Homebody's Weekends

To all the Homebodies out there, maybe some of you can relate to how I usually spend my weekends. I can't even remember how many times I've rejected and cancelled some plans to go out. I do like going out, believe me or not, but I want my weekends to be all about myself. Spending my whole weekdays outside makes me tired everyday Friday. Who doesn't? But yes, I know that most of you, especially the outgoing types are always on the go. That's just not me.

1. Cleaning Time/Day

I am not a messy person, but I am astounded every time I go home and find my room in disarray. My Study/work table with all my books on the top. Clutter of papers on my bed. Tea cups and glasses on my chairs.

If you're one of the people who enjoy cleaning and organizing the mess you made, then maybe you find it satisfying to see the process of turning back your mess into an organize piles of your things.

As for me, Saturdays or Sundays can only mean one thing. Cleaning time.

1. Changing my pillow cases (Once a week)
2. Changing my bed sheet (Twice a month)
3. Changing my curtains (Once to twice a month)\
4. Scrubbing the floor (Once a month)
5. Dusting off my bookshelves (Every other day)
6. ETC.

How nice it is to feel and smell the new pillow case and bed sheet at night, to see your books void of dust (just a little) and to see that your room is organized.

2. Exercise

Weekends can also mean shaking off all the toxins in your body by sweating off. I find it relaxing and refreshing every time I finish my exercise or fitness routine because I feel clean. Imagine your sweat pushing off the dead skins from your pores. You feel great, you feel healthy and strong and it's a great brain exercise too. So shake it off and dance with your favorite music in the background.

Here's a great warm up from Tiffany Rothe Youtube account. I've been following all her routines for almost two years now. I love how she motivates her viewers. I just like her so much! Want to be fit by just ten minutes? Visit her account and try her routines.

3. Meditate

Aside from my exercise routine, I also meditate. I'm not very particular with time, but I see to it that I relax my senses so that I can be ready for the coming week. Yoga is a great help, the breathing exercise. Stretching your body is good for your health and mind. It practices your sense of focus and helps you concentrate. You don't have to be in nature to do this. Inside your room, open your window, the air enters, spread your yoga mat, then close your eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out.

4. Cook/Eat Real Foods

I know that most of you are eating at fast food chains every weekday. It's convenient, fast and cheap...  because you guys are busy with your job and studies. However, do not let this time constraints let you be addicted to all that is instant; instant food. These foods contain preservatives that can harm your body by too much intake. C'mon! Even if the label says it's "Sugar free" or "Lite" they still contain sugar, sodium and MSG (Monosodium Glutamate). Some of you might already be aware of how some food manufacturers use Aspartame as a replacement for sugar. If you ever stumble upon Dr. Mercola's website, he had listed all the negative effects of Aspartame and it's scary how it can trigger diabetes instead of preventing it.

Foods that I can't live without:

1. Papaya (1-2 cups a day)
2. Firm Tofu (Fried in olive oild with vinegar dip)
3. Pumpkin soup
4. Boiled sweet potato / Sweet potato fries (No salt or sugar)
5. Green Tea (2-3 cups a day)
6. Boiled green vegetables
7. Oatmeal (no sugar)

I am very proud to tell you that I've been SODA FREE for 7 years now. Indeed, eating REAL foods can make a person feel clean inside and out.

5. Me Time

It's time to pamper yourself by not spending too much money.

1. Dry hair? Use olive oil. (Click for procedure: Natural Hot Oil)
2. Tired feet from wearing high heels shoes or stiletto, rough feet. Soak it into a basin with lukewarm water, scrub it with baking soda, pat them dry ,then slather with olive oil or Rosehip oil.
3. Cut and polish your nails while listening to some music or watching your favorite movie.
4. ETC... whatever you want to do that you can do by yourself for yourself.

Because sometimes, it feels nice to do things for yourself without spending money at all.

6. Read a Book

Okay. Oh, you're not a bookworm. You always fall asleep whenever you read. However, you have to remind yourself that knowledge is power and knowledge is beauty. You don't have to read books you're not interested with. Read something you want, gain knowledge and use them in real life. Aside from that, it can help to be more open-minded.

Those are some things I usually do in the weekends. How about you?

Personal Message:

It's been a long time since my last post. I've been trying to pursue my dreams one by one. Right now, I wish that my prayers will be answered before this month ends. If not? I will try again. No giving up. I'm going to be more determined in chasing dreams. So yeah. Have a good day!

Sincerely,
Erica/Erix

Things that made me happy:

1. Cleaning my room.
2. Eating the pumpkin soup made by my mother.
3. Playing instruments.
4. Reading books.
5. That I am still alive.
6. That my parents are in good health, as well as my friends.
7. That my emotion is surprisingly stable.

I thought I was "already" fine... But.

"You're beautiful." 
"You're so pretty."
"You're sexy."

Do you think every time people tell me these I feel happy? NO. The answer is a big NO. I feel bad to be honest. I feel bad for them because they see someone who doesn't exist in reality. What they perceive is just the "Fake", "Pretender", "Liar" version of me. I feel sorry for them and I want to apologize because they were all mistaken. I am sorry.

Today, I realized how ugly I am. Something happened that enlightened me. I can't explain them all in details but it made me feel so bad for myself and for everyone.

I am not what you think I am. I am not what you usually see. I am a monster... physically and emotionally. Sometimes, I have thoughts which make me want to cut off myself into pieces, to discard some parts of my body that is very uncomfortable for me to show and to carry.

I wish I have what it takes to be comfortable. I just want to feel comfortable. Whenever I see girls and women who look carefree, I feel so envious. I wish I am like them... carefree and... FREE. However, I am always hunted by the hands that will pull me to the reality that I am not like them... that this is me. Once in a blue moon, they'll let me pretend to be someone I am not. But it hurts a lot when it's already time to go back to normal. I always pray that God will lengthen my time of  "Pretension", but everything eventually has to end. Everything has an expiration dates. And the things I have had already expired.

I am always covered by mask. I am always myself... but I am at the same time covered by different mask. I show them my true self, but what they see is a different person. I feel sorry for them... for myself. I feel terribly bad.

Last month was the happiest month I've ever had and I thought I was getting better... that I am on the road of moving forward. But the darkness outrun me again. My vision is getting blurry... and I can't breathe.

I can't... I am drowning.

Someone woke me up from my sweet dreams... every happy things that had happened were all part of my dreams. And now that I finally woken up... I have to start all over again. I think if this will continue, if this cycle will continue I'll end up tired and will disappear from the sight of everyone else. Hibernate... or rest...

I am praying so hard for guidance because I really don't know how am I going to start from scratch again. I am so tired and beaten. I AM TIRED. I've been enduring this and if I'll push myself to my limits again, I think I'll explode one of these days. So help me God. Help me please.

PS:
It's not about my job.
I bet a lot people will be so happy when they read this. The ERICA is in her dark side again.