I am on the verge disappearing. Again. Again. Again. I want to ask for help, but to whom? I will be just a nuisance, a bother. I feel so empty and I want to remove the the cage inside my body. The cage does not contain anything. It's a heavy burden that I am carrying everyday. I want to sleep for a very long time. I want to... I just want to disappear.
What am I doing here? What is my purpose? I am living a life that is not mine. But what is mine? I don't know.... I have no idea. I am so lost.
Everyday I pretend that I am okay, that everything is fine. People think that I do not have problems and they even consider me as someone who is living like a princess. But they know nothing about me... they know nothing about my deepest thoughts that always fall to death.
I imagine myself floating somewhere. I imagine myself as a leaf being blown away by the harsh December wind. I imagine myself as the autumn leaves being walked on by millions of people... dried, trampled... that will be replaced by the fresh leaves that will bloom in Springtime.
I am tired. I want to go where I want to go... but where do I want to go? I want to be with someone... but with whom? I want to give love and happiness... but I don't even know how to give these to myself? How? Why? I don't know...
What is happening? I am drowning... Eris is here.
