Book Thoughts: The Color Purple by Alice Walker

Spoiler Alert!!!!
Rating: *****

(Photo by: Erix L.)

I like browsing and visiting bookish websites, particularly Goodreads and Book Riot. I am also fond of listing down books that I want to read, books that were banned, books that are controversial and so on and so forth. In almost all those websites , Alice Walker’s “The Color Purple” has been always present. What intrigued me the most was that it was included in the list of banned books.

I was tempted to buy a brand new copy; however, I’m a thrift shopper, secondhand addict and used books collector so I did my best to dig though the old books whenever I visit hippie stores. I found my copy, which is a 1983 paperback edition and you know what... the seller even gave me a discount.

My thoughts:

I have just started to seriously involve myself in reading literature related to slavery, racism or whatever you want to call it. I have a copy of “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” that I haven’t read yet and a signet collection of literary works written by "black" authors/writers. 

The Color Purple represents the life of Celie. I don’t want to spoil the story here so I will just express my reflections, realizations and comments.

All I can say is that, yes, no wonder why the books had been banned. The book is quite straightforward and revealed a lot of things about the life of black people. May I stress the ff:

1. Men treated women as next to “nothing”. They only see women as instrument for procreation. They considered women as a very low kind of individual who must follow what the husband will instruct them to do. Women were not allowed to gain knowledge because men think that they should not become smarter than them. What would a man do with a wife who knows things that he already knew (more than he knows)?
2. God resides in you. Not in church, not in a specific place… He is everywhere and only those who will look inside themselves will find him.
3.  Most people have been ostentatious on how they glorify God, but what they only want is to reap praises from the others. Glorifying Him through appreciation of the things around you is enough to make him feel well loved because God is everything.
4.   Having a number of wives is considered “okay” or at least “moral”.
5. The feeling of watching the land of your ancestors being robbed from you is heart wrenching and frustrating. It reminds me of the history of my country wherein a number of countries conquered it. But past is past… you can always forgive and never forget… but burying grudges is not acceptable. Time flows, people change… but the past will be forever etched on the path that has been traveled by time.

In the agency I am currently connected with, the Gender and Sensitivity Program has been rigorous that’s why the book really affected me. I was seen by my colleagues shaking my head, nodding with my eyes enlarging because of some parts that were a little difficult to be immediately absorbed by my brain, my heart and my mind. (Drama!) 

Nowadays, the government has been working really hard to expedite awareness on Gender Equality in work environment. Well,  think it’s about time for men to realize that women are also capable of doing the so called “men tasks”. On the other hand, if women wants to be taken seriously as equal to me, they should not expect to be treated in a specific way because for sure they will not also treat men in a specific and special way. This is my opinion, please respect. I also respect the opinions of others.

As for me, I don’t expect men to give up their seats on the train, or to open the door for me, to carry my things because I want to be treated as equal. Of course, if men will insist to help, why not let them… but I will not expect. No expectation, no disappointment, no frustration, less comment, less misunderstanding.

FAST FORWARD:

Just a little caution, the accent and tone of the book is quite contagious. 

I can say that I may not be able to forget the story. This book is worth to keep.

Sincerely,

Erix L.

Book Thoughts: Lisa Genova's Still Alice

Spoiler ALERT: Do not read if you haven't read the book yet.
Rating: ***** (5 Stars)

(Photo by: Erix L.)

To my relatives who might be reading this now, my sincerest apology. Everything that is written here happened. Everything that is expressed here, I felt. And I hope you will not judge me for being honest. I do hope you’ll ask this question before you conclude that I am a hypocrite person: “How could someone who has not been there possibly understand?”

“Still Alice” by Lisa Genova is one of the powerful books I have read so far this year. I have read Og Mandino, Italo Calvino, M. Scott Speck… Toni Morison, but Still Alice gripped my heart so hard like a steel. During the hours I spent reading the book (around 24 hours), there had been a force that pushed and pulled me in and out from the shoes of my grandmother who has Alzheimer’s disease. According to her doctors, the mild stroke she experienced almost 10 years ago triggered her dementia when she was still around her late 60’s.

Of course, my family did not really take it into utmost consideration. We (yes, including me) considered her “memory gaps” as associated with old age without realizing that the symptoms she had been showing back then was of Dementia. As the time went by, my grandmother has shown fluctuation on her attitudes and moods (based on my observation because I have been living with her with only a room that separates us). Some of the things I can underscore here are the ff:

         

•    When she was looking for her undershorts, which had been lost for… I don’t even know how many years! She became suspicious of our maid, blaming my mother for letting the latter steal her undershorts.
• 
  
•     The money issues, her lost wallet that we could not find, jewelries that were lost, but found in a pocket of her old bag. Keys that were lost but were found in the deepest corner of our sofa.
• 
  
•     Of course, there were a great number of times concerning speech reprtition.
• 
  
•     Once, during breakfast, she threw bread at me. Once, she threw a knife at me.

There were hallucinations wherein she thought she saw someone hanging at the ceiling or someone standing by the door. She would always blame us for something that is not right, which is actually right. In addition, she put a lot of salt on the food she cooked. She drunk water and soda without realizing that she had just drunk.

Taking her medicine had been dreadfully worrisome, because she might drink her medicine all at the same time. Bringing her to the hospital for checkup (because she has diabetes) has been one of the things my mother dreaded the most. It’s too difficult to convince grandma to go to the hospital. In trying to do so, she would burst out, shout, scream and cry… she would declare “Let me die! Leave me alone! Get out of my house!”. Of course, my mother, as a daughter is always heartbroken every time these things happen. Who wouldn’t be? Just thinking about that this thing might happen to my own mother… I want to die right now.  (Oh shit… I am crying now.).

Unfortunately, one cannot avoid this disease. As what Lisa Genova has written at the end of the book, the medicine stated in the novel are fictitious. On the other hand, she had mentioned that there have been a number of ongoing studies on medicines that will slow down the progression of the disease.

I have realized a number of things and I also want my relatives to realize or to at least think about my grandmother… not think about her disease but to really think about her. There was a part in the book wherein Alice said that she wanted to be taken seriously even if she is sick. She wanted empowerment and not pity. She wanted encouragement and not avoidance. She wanted love and most of all… she wanted the people she love to remember the person she was once.

As I look back on the past, I remember my grandmother secretly giving me chocolates. Even if I am not the favorite granddaughter… thinking about it she had been so good to me. Although she was most of the time cold towards me, I can say that she is good mother because my mother is good to me. Who else would be my mother’s model, but my grandmother… her mother.

Some of you might say that I am a hypocrite because I have shouted at my grandmother, that I had been disrespectful, and that I am a thick skinned human being for writing this entry. But if you will only feel the way I have felt  from the day I started high school, the bullying, the depression, the insult… all the pain. You would somehow understand that too much oppression can cause someone to be introverted. And an introvert who is pushed to his/her limits would one day slashed out… all the way out!

There were times when I get so annoyed and frustrated because of my situation in my grandmother’s house, with my dreams that seemed too difficult to reach, with all the rejection and pain… I wanted to bang my head on the wall wishing that it will make me sleep to end the heaviness that I feel on my heart. There were times that I was tempted to kill myself and jump and threw myself across the street wishing that a car would run me down. There were times that I do not want to wake up anymore.

Yep. So I’ll end it here.

I am very thankful to Lisa Genova for writing the that talks about the story of so my people with Alzheimer’s Disease. This book, I believe will greatly help those who are caring for their love ones who have AD. I do believe that… there will be a time scientist will be able to find a cure… if not a cure, something that will slow down the effects of AD. Memory is so fragile… it’s like a thread made of glass and if we can only preserve them in a treasure box in our mind, we would do so, right?

Sincerely,

Erica/Erix/Eris

2015: Things That I Am Thankful For

This has been my yearly routine for the past four years. :) Amen to that!

I have been very open with my chronic depression and this has been the worst year so far. Seriously, I have often thought about death, killing myself, ending my life to succumb in endless sleep. Fortunately, something has saved me from the pits of hell: BOOKS.

(2015 Read Books. 59 books)

When I was in college, I swore to myself that I will read lots of books after gradation. However, there was the review school; teaching job, graduate school, as well as my job at the moment which prevents me from reading too much. But you know, reading time is the only time I find myself in peace with my surroundings. Therefore, I have acquired a large number of books this year and I do not regret letting go of the money I spent for them. Why? Because I can always meet my favorite characters and learn from them over and over again, while real people... they hurt me, they despise me, they want to inflict me pain and shame.

2015 made me realized how important being alone is. I actually like being alone than being with people. I hate petty conversation. I am lazy in talking, but when I talk about the things that interest me, I am talkative. I am a sociable introvert, remember? This caused me to become more friendly with strangers because I find them more genuine and sincere.

In 2016, I will choose the people around me more wisely.

Wishes Granted:

1.) To meet some of my former students (who eventually became my friends)

I randomly wrote this wish on my notebook and I was really happy when I met them. Long distance friendship is something I treasure a lot.

2.) Game of Thrones Book Set

When I learned that GOT was set in medieval times, I made a research and eventually bought the books. No regrets. Every cent was worth it.

3.) To visit Pinto Art Museum

The moment I saw the picture of the museum online and read the reviews... I told to myself "I will definitely go there this year". Thanks to my muffin who accompanied me and showed me how beautiful the place is. I have a plan to go back there with my Aunt this year because she has been practicing photography.

4.) Trip to Binondo

 








Although the day my parents and I went to Binondo to celebrate Chinese New Year was not so great... I was able to try the best dim sum ever... at least!

5.) Yamaha keyboard as MBA graduation gift

To have an MBA degree is on my Lifetime To Do List and I worked so hard to acquire it! Thinking about it now, my depression started the same time I entered graduate school, but my emotions had been an advantage because it inspired me to exert more effort and work harder. In the end, my mother gave me a keyboard as a gift, but honestly it was given to me because she wanted to learn how to play it when she was younger.

6.) To acquire TESOL certificate

Despite a number of negative issues revolved around our batch, we were able to pass the teaching demo. :) In addition, I have met new friends whom I trusted.

7.) New job and be with my family 

I miss teaching so much and it will always be in my heart. What is the point of my TESOL certificate if I will not use it? That's why I am going to make a plan this year and execute it. Making decision is something that always... bewilders me, but I have to act before it's too late. I do not want to have regrets when I get older.

And yep... my family; although we are not complete, having them during Christmas made the season more special.

Thoughts:

I am quite surprise that a lot of good things happened this year despite the ever presence of  Eris' shadow. 

You know, I've been thinking about so many things at the same and one of these is that I've been doing things to others I do not want to be done to me such as neglecting messages. I am guilty of not sending an immediate reply to my friends and relatives. The reason is that if someone reminds me of  another person whom has a connection with a certain painful experience, I tend to feel a pang of pain in my heart so I'd rather ignore the message for a while before writing my reply. That's why, one of my new years resolution is to be more emphatic towards the feelings of other people... because I know the feeling of being neglected. 

Have a blessed year!

Sincerely,
Erica/Erix