(Photo by: Erica/Erix)
I am on the verge of lifelessness... I can feel myself staring blankly ahead most of the time. My smile doesn't touch my eyes.
My outer shell looks fine... but lately, I've been pretending a lot that I am okay. Honestly, I am not. I am trying so hard to set aside all my problems. This has been a difficult time for me and I am very confuse. I studied so hard this week. Every time I feel the sadness creeps through my veins, I grab my guitar and play so hard until my fingers cry out in pain. But I can't set aside them. After getting myself so busy and focus with my "To Do List" the reality will always welcome me that everything has changed. I am waiting for myself to get used to it... but it's really DIFFICULT.
I am hurting. I am in pain. It's like there's an invisible force squeezing every muscle of my body. I... really suck right now. I'm so pathetic because I've been getting my strength and motivation to go on from other people. Since I don't want to pissed them off and pushed them to their limits, I decided to isolate myself from everybody. I don't want to be a parasite, a dependent... a headache and pain in the ass.
Writing is my way of expressing myself. Tonight, I gave a pen to my heart and this is my heart who is writing now.
How IRONIC. I always give advice to other people... help them with their problems... but here I am, I can't even help myself to get out of this situation.
Regardless, I hope you a Good Night!
With all my love,
Erica/Erix
Ps: Should I wait?
Things that made me happy:
- Playing guitar and singing
- Writing
- Watching Marilyn Monroe's Documentary
- Watching Audrey Hepburn sing "Moon River"
- A call from my mother
