Saturday, February 22, 2014

Collection Of Words 11: Woman In White Attire

Woman In White Attire
Written by: Erica/Erix
Date written: January 29, 2014
(at Higashiya Restaurant Pola Ginza Building)
 
The woman in an all white attire
Served us our dinner inside the cozy place
On her face, pasted a subtle smile
That smile, made me feel safe.
 
Inspiration: The waitress who awkwardly smiled to me when she heard me talked in English with my students. She was very careful but she gave a smile and I felt safe inside the place.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Blog // My Aunt Tess // Thank You

 
(Photo by: Rosemarie)
 
In this world, we are all lucky for having people who really appreciate us for "Who" and "What" we are. It doesn't matter if this person is your friend, stranger or relatives because what we really want, what we really desire deep inside is full "ACCEPTANCE" from another human being.
 
In my experiences, I am telling you that many people don't really like me. They don't like the fact that I:
  1. Blog.
  2. Draw and able to do some arts
  3. am enrolled in Graduate School
  4. teach English to foreigners
  5. am learning how to play guitar
  6. can write anything that goes on my mind
  7. can now speak and talk in public
  8. am doing everything I can to do things that I want to do
  9. post videos in this blog and the fact that I have a youtube account
Although it hurts me most of the time that people can't really "Understand" me, WHY I do things that I am doing now... there are still people who encourage and appreciate me for all the little things that I have and had done. Even if these people are only few.
 
One of them is my Aunt Tess. Our distance in not just miles... I feel like she's living in a different planet but despite of this fact... she's always there for me just like my mother who always supports me in EVERYTHING.
 
She's a busy person but when it comes to her family... especially to us; her nieces and nephew she can sacrifice her time. That's how she shows her love, concern and thoughtfulness. I sometimes feel that she spoils everyone because she most of the time showers us with gifts.
 
But you know what really matters to me? It's not the material gifts I received from her but her words of wisdom and encouragements. She's one of my personal councilors... when I had broken my heart she was there to comfort me. She's very far but I do believe that "Distance is only Physics". If two people have strong connection... distance doesn't matter at all. Right?
 
In my opinion, SHE IS THE REAL artist in our family. When I was just a little kid, she drew a portrait of me. I still have the copy of that drawing and it served as one of my inspirations when I was still looking for my own talent (although, I am just a hobbyist).
 
She's a good person and no matter what other people says about her (the negatives)... I am telling you. It's none of our business, it's theirs because that's their opinion not us. Whatever word comes from them defines THEM and it will never defines my aunt.
 
If not for her and for other people who believe in my capabilities and abilities, I may still be lock inside my cage... but now that I can feel that FREEDOM is just around the corner... I'm very THANKFUL for everything and for everyone.
 
Dear Aunt Tess,
 
Thank you very much for granting one of my wishes. I think you're my Fairy Godmother. Thank you for all the encouragements and word of wisdom. I will do my best to be MORE patient and wait for the things that I TRULY deserve. You are right, if other people don't like me or can't like me... so be it. I will be myself all the time and I will try not to be SHY in public anymore. I will smile more often and think positively. I will teach myself to become strong and independent like you. I will be happy... promise... even if it will take a long time.
 
Thank you for being my mother during our Japan Pleasure Trip. Really, you treated me as your own daughter and I am very thankful and grateful for that.
 
I will work hard and do my very best to become a person who is WORTHY to be love. Someday, I will repay you for all the things that you had given me.
 
This Blog entry is for you. I didn't write this one to be called a PARASITE. I just want to express my deepest appreciation and gratitude because you made me truly and fully HAPPY.
 
Thank you Aunt Tess... as always and I know that you already this. I love you.
 
Sincerely,
Erica (one of your babies)
 
 

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Blog // Valentine's Day Greetings and Music Dedication Video

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone! I hope you're all Happy and Feeling the Love. <3 <3 <3 Hearts for all of you! <3 <3 <3

I celebrated my Valentine's Day by... STUDYING! CONGRATULATIONS to me! I know, I am such a NERD nowadays but what can I do? I don't have a date today and as if someone will really ask me out.

Anyway, I have a presentation in Entrepreneurial Management tomorrow so I have to prepare. Honestly, I am done preparing but I have nothing to do so I will just review what will I say in front of my audience (my classmates).

Such a boring day but I am still THANKFUL from the bottom of my heart because I feel a little better now. What makes me happy? I am not happy at all. Just so-so. Neutral at least. I am trying my best not to think too much or else I might get depress again.

I recorded a video yesterday for this blog entry and I played and sang "Say Something" by A Great Big World. I don't know if that's the correct version because I only saw a certain guitar tutorial in youtube and I just studied it for 2 days. I know that I am still a bad player but I don't care. Playing and singing relieve my stress.

I remember that, I was in the taxi with my aunt and we had just arrived in the Philippines that morning, maybe around 1:00 am when I first heard this song on the radio. At that time, I told to myself "I will play and sing that song..." and I was able to do so... well, not in a professional way. Regardless, I was complimented by my tutor that I have improved and I am very happy.

Here's the video... sorry for the background.





Things that made me happy:
  1. Support from my friends. You know sometimes, a simple "Hi" or  "Hello" from my friends is enough to make me happy. I know that I am being dramatic for the past few days but they never left my side. Thank you for that.
  2. Hot Green Tea in the morning.
  3. Just lying on my bed and daydreaming after studying.
  4. Listening to some songs for inspiration.
  5. Writing whatever goes on my mind.
  6. Playing guitar.
  7. Rose candies from my parents.
PS: So, what now? If they don't like me. That's fine with me. If they will ignore me continuously... that's okay. I can't do anything about that. However, I will assure you that I will never ignore them if they will talk to me again. I really hope that everything is alright because honestly I really want to know what happened but I don't have any right to ask. Oh please...

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Japan Trip Diary 2 / Regret



Good morning! It's 6 in the morning and I am ready for today!! :) After drinking hot tea with my aunt, we went to the hotel's lobby to get a connection with their wi-fi. We needed to check emails and get a copy of Tokyo's Map. 

 (Instagram: http: //instagram.com/p/jsZnLvtR33/# )

I received an email from Mr. Sometimes. According to his email, he made a reservation at "Higashiya Restaurant" located at Pola Ginza Building. My aunt and I checked the map and decided to go there today.

The weather's so nice. I really like it! Even if the sun's shining brightly the cold wind compliments it so it was tolerable. I wanted to walk and walk and walk without destination. Just walking to nowhere... haha!

Anyway, we took a taxi to Ginza. I noticed that I get motion sickness inside Japanese taxi, maybe because there are a lot of pedestrian lane and they needed to stop and stop and stop. However, I really envy Japan for having so many stop lights... the roads are safe.

The taxi driver dropped us off in front of Louis Vuitton Boutique. A lot of high end brand are there, Prada, Swarovski, Tiffany & Co. (which reminded me of Audrey Hepburn) etc. I was like transported to Makati City. The ambience of the place were "almost" the same.

We went inside a certain building (I forgot the name) because my aunt needed some cash. After that, we went straight to Information Center. A cute girl entertained our questions and she gave us a copy of Ginza Map. She also explained to us how to go to Pola Ginza Building. I admire her because she tried her best to speak in English for us. Thank you.

We stared for a long time on the map but we got lost. We spent almost 30 minutes walking around the area until we finally found the building! Yey! 

I don't know why, but for some reason people are staring at my face. Do I really look weird? I asked my Aunt... yes, what would I expect? I am foreigner.

(Instagram: http: //instagram.com/p/ju5xEfNR0t/# )

We checked some stores after and did a mini shopping for presents.:) When we were finished buying things we needed, it was almost Lunch Time and we were both hungry. We roamed around the area again and tried to find a restaurant when we saw a group of people wearing suit and tie (Men wearing suit and tie... I think, they are really cute.) outside a certain building. We got curious so we went there and checked what they were looking at. Oh! Pasta and Salad! Perfect for us. We went inside and that's where I tried to converse again in Nihongo. We thought that the blond waiter was American because hello?! Blond and blue eyes... generally speaking... Westerner. However, we were surprised to learned that he could only speak in Nihongo and Spanish. Spanish? Seriously? 

That was the most difficult time of my day. Eating the pasta. Not because it was half cooked or anything but while I was eating my pasta there were two men wearing suit and tie who were watching me as I ate my food. I mean literally WATCHING me. Is it usual? My aunt said that maybe they got curious when they heard us talking in Non-stop English. But, we didn't talk loudly... we were like only whispering.

Another shopping time and roaming around the area. All of a sudden my aunt wanted to go to "Tokyo Skytree Tower". We went to Information Area and asked for directions and they gave us another map. We took another taxi to go there. We met another friendly taxi driver. LUCKY! <3

I took some videos there and while doing that I saw a girl who is in middle school. She was alone, staring blankly ahead, wearing glasses while her classmates or schoolmates were merrily playing around the area. I felt so sad at that time because the girl reminded me of myself when I was in high school. She looked at me and I looked at her... it was only 30-40 seconds but we stared at each other. I wanted to hug her... seriously hug her. I am being emotional here again... but I realized that in this world, people who are like me are everywhere. 







(The view was so Amazing! I wanted to do Bungee Jumping there!)

 (If there's another job that I want to try... That's being a Photographer and I want to be part of any Documentary series.)
(I don't care if I am not in the picture. I am completely contented in being the one taking the picture.)
 (I was just enjoying the view and watching the people walking. I was so engrossed with the weather. How I wish I could stay here a little LONGER.)
(My Aunt Tess. She looked so cute! That's her! will do anything in order to take awesome pictures! like me! We are so very much alike!)


We are Tea-Holic. Every time we go to the market and shops selling tea... I felt like I was in HEAVEN. On my next visit... I'm gonna buy lots of Tea. :) 

After a very long day, it's shower time again. Time for my bubble bath. Haha! Tomorrow is another day!

Things that made me happy:
  1. Hot Rose Tea
  2. Getting lost with my Aunt
  3. Conversing in Nihongo. 
  4. Eating Pasta
  5. Walking around
  6. Taking pictures and videos
  7. Buying presents
  8. Watching people
  9. Absorbing the cold wind
______________________________________________-

Regret

The date today is actually February 12, 2014 and I am just sharing my diary. You know what? I travelled 1863.59 miles for a goal and to see someone but I wasn't able to fulfill it. I really regret not doing anything. I am so STUPID for letting the opportunity passed in front of me. There were a lot of people who told me "Just do it... do it or you might regret it." and yet, I didn't do it because I got coward. At that time, I thought that if I did what they'd told me to do I might be pushing too hard and I might lost someone in my life... I was not willing to take the risk for that but because I didn't do it... I feel terrible now. I mean, I am a mess right now. I am not looking forward to anything and I just want to turn back the time... No matter what I tell to myself... the pain is still there, eating me up alive.

Is there a next time? Or is this the end?











Thursday, February 6, 2014

Japan Trip Diary Day 1


Dear Diary,

Today is January 27, 2014. The date of my Trip to Japan. I was so busy last night for the last minute preparation and luggage checking. My mother kept on nagging me about the things that I might forget to bring with me. Before sleeping, I chatted with my cousin April who slept with me. We talked about the things that might happen during my trip. I was so happy and amazed with her positivity in life... especially her positivity when it comes to my life. She kept on encouraging me to believe and have hope because I still don't know what would happen in the future. She knew the reason for this trip... but you know what? Deep in my heart, I know that the main reason for this trip is not valid anymore. However, I told to myself that no matter what... I will smile and have fun with my aunt.

I woke up at exactly 3:00 am because we needed to avoid the heavy traffic brought by Monday Rush. We didn't want to be late with our flight. We still wanted to have time to relax at the airport. 

At the airport, some security guard thought that I was a foreigner. I could hear them arguing about my nationality so I looked at them and smiled. I saw a lot of Japanese, Chinese, Korean at our terminal and since I was so bored I listened to their conversation... surprisingly, I could actually understand what they were talking about.

My aunt noticed that every time we walked around to buy snacks or go to comfort room people will always stare at me. I didn't know the reason but I could feel their eyes on me. So, I walked while looking down because of my shyness towards these people. I am not even pretty or beautiful and I am just wearing a very casual clothing, so why?

Our departure time was jeopardized when one of the passengers suddenly had to cancelled his/her flight due to health reasons. We were almost 2 hours behind our flight. I was so irritated and the heat inside the plane was killing me. My aunt told me to relax and just breathe because we couldn't do anything about the situation. I tried to focus on the music that was playing on my i-pod.


I have a thing for sky. Which means I love looking at the sky because it makes me believe that everything is possible and everything is reachable if you work hard for your dreams and goals in life. I couldn't help myself from taking pictures of it. I think it was May or June of 2013 when I posted on my Private Facebook account that I wanted to fly and my friends told me to use my wings. I already did... I'm very thankful for their encouragements.

We arrived at Narita Airport at exactly 4:00 pm and it was very hot inside. I wanted to take off my cardigan because I was sweating. After getting our luggage, we bought tickets for Airport Limousine bounded to Shinagawa Prince Hotel where we would catch a taxi to New Otani Inn Tokyo. 

 (This was inside the Airport Limousine. I know that using a cellphone is strictly prohibited but I am a stubborn person. Sorry about that.)

Okay, this is the part wherein I used my knowledge in Nihongo. We told the driver that we needed to go to New Otani Inn but he thought that New Otani Inn and New Otani Hotel were just the same. When I looked at the map the distance between the two place was a little far. I felt sorry for the taxi driver but we were very impressed by the decency and honesty of Japanese Taxi drivers. I am not saying that I hate Filipino taxi drivers... but let's face it... most Filipino taxi drivers would ask for an increase in taxi fares and would blame his passengers for the mistake. But this Japanese Taxi driver accepted the fact that it was his mistake and asked us for only half the price of the taxi fare. At first, I couldn't believe what he said and I thought I misheard him but he repeated his words slowly "Hanbun"/"半分". I translated to my aunt what he said and she too was surprised.


I had a terrible headache after that. I was very sorry to my aunt because I wasted her money for the food she bought me. I couldn't swallow it, I wanted to vomit everything inside my stomach and I thought I was going to passed out in the restaurant. She wanted to take some pictures of me but I felt so dizzy and I couldn't concentrate. When I saw the face of the waiter after seeing the food that I didn't eat, I got embarrassed because I know that it's bad manner not to eat the food served to you... I'm very sorry.


After resting for a while, my aunt and I did an epic failure pillow fight. I have here a video. I know, we looked so crazy in here but this is very USUAL for us.


(My friends told me that this is my signature pose. I always do this everytime I take a "selfie". Haha)




And then, we went outside to checked the nearby places. I love the weather. I love the cold wind and the quietness of the surroundings. I feel like living here... haha! But Summer is a no-no for me. 

These photo was taken after we did food shopping. My aunt loves eating midnight snacks and she told me that she LOVES the Japanese rice crackers which was one my favorites. haha.


I also received emails from my students asking me to go out with them but five days are not enough to meet all of them. I feel so sad about this... Next time...

It's shower time. Tomorrow is another day. :) So far, I'm falling in love with this country.

Things that made me happy:
  1. Decent and Honest Japanese Taxi Driver.
  2. Cold weather and the cold wind.
  3. Hot Rose Tea.
  4. Relaxing shower time.
  5. Pillow fight with my aunt.
  6. Receiving emails from my former students.
  7. Quiet surroundings.
  8. Courteous people.
  9. Writing my diary.
PS: These are the words written on my diary. Yes, this is how I write my diary entry.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Blog // The Woman Who Called me "Gorgeous"

(Photo by: Rosemarie)

Did you know that one of the effects of being bullied for a long time is not having any self-esteem? That's my problem. I don't usually believe in myself especially when it comes to my physical appearance.

There are a lot of people who believe in me. People who ALWAYS tell me "You are not ugly", "You're very pretty", "You're cute"... but honestly speaking I doubt these kinds of compliments because every time I see myself in the mirror I can't see myself as someone who is "Beautiful".

I'd been called "UGLY" a million times during my teenage days and this is the reason why I consider myself as someone who is really "Ugly"... physically. However, some people... especially strangers tell me that I should change the way I think about myself because I am wrong. They've told me that I should stop thinking that I am not worth it... that nobody will like me... that they will just laugh at me... etc. because these kinds of thought will not help me, these will only make me more depress and sad.

And then during my Cousin's wedding something happened that made me decide to be more positive about myself. 

When my cousin's makeup artist came in the hotel room, I was starstrucked when I saw her pretty face. I always appreciate beauty and I like seeing beautiful girls and women (I am not Lesbian, okay?). From the moment she entered the room, I could noticed her stealing glances on me... I smiled at her because I felt a little awkward.

When it was my turn for the "makeover" session. She talked to me. I learned that she used to be an English Teacher to Japanese too. We talked in Nihongo for a short time and then suddenly she said... "You know what? You're very gorgeous." I was speechless because she suddenly told me that. 

"I always have an eye for beauty... so if I tell you that you're gorgeous... you should believe me." She said.
"Thank you. I believe you... because you're an artist." I said to her.

Receiving this kind of compliment from a very beautiful girl was overwhelming. She's right, almost all artist has an eye for beauty... like me. People says that I can capture beautiful pictures, draw dramatic sketches and paint paintings with stories to tell... So I believed her.

And now, she's the reason why I became a little confident with the way I look. I may not have a cute or feminine face but I will try to be more positive... because if other people can see my beauty... it's about time for me to really look on myself and look for the beauty that they are seeing on me.

Things that made me happy:
  1. Eating breakfast and dinner with my Aunt Tess.
  2. Cleaning and organizing my room.
  3. Drinking Tea. HEAVEN!
  4. Chatting with my students in "Line"
  5. Writing this blog entry.
  6. Making my cousins happy by giving them some simple presents