What's Up: Rest-less Week // Thank You Thursday

(Photo by: Erica/Erix)

I am not okay. I am not fine. I am sad. I am bothered. I am... I am... I am so LOST. I don't know where to go.

Okay ENOUGH! Today, I'm very grateful to Thursday for having pity on my condition. Thursday gave me a fine day. I was still in the state of devastation when I woke up this morning but I tried so hard to be okay because my schedule was full! I needed to accomplish a lot of things on my check list and Thank God! My exhaustion was justified.

I had an appointment at the Barangay Hall, City Hall and Bank. I was so tired from going back and forth from here to there to everywhere! Walking, Running, Riding to different means of transportation and the worst thing is... I got tanned! BIG TIME!

Randomness:

Last wednesday I discussed Subjunctive (English Grammar) to my VIP Student and when I asked him to give me a sample sentence this is what he said.

"I suggest you to spend more time in looking for a boyfriend." He said. "Okay... can you give me another one?" I asked, frowning to him. "But.. my suggestion is realistic. You're always reading, studying and writing. At what age do you want to get married?" The next thing I knew... he was already giving me Love/Marriage advice. 

My other student brought his Christian Bible in my class. He was the first student to asked me to discuss my favorite passages in the Bible. I was very surprised. At the end of our lesson, he told me that "You and Teacher Dino are gifts to me from God." and then he shook my hand. His comment made me happy.

Somehow, I think I am starting to realize my purpose in life. Supporting other people and making sure to listen to them. Not just their written and spoken words but I must also listen to the words in their heart or the unspoken words that cannot be express.

Like this... an email from my former VIP student.

I apologized to this student because during his time I always feel very sleepy because this was last September. The HECTIC month. He told me in one of his emails that he will try his best to express his love towards his wife... more oftenly because he learned this from me and from our culture. It's a good thing! High five to you Mr. Jeff! (FYI: I asked his permission to post this email. ;)

Another is this.

Everytime I receive comment like "You're so cute!", "You're beautiful!", "You're very pretty.", "It's very easy for you to find a boyfriend."... I couldn't help but to be skeptic. I am not accustomed with these comments because I am more used to getting these "So you think you'll be pretty if you wear that?", "That's very unfashionable!", "Eating that will not make you beautiful.", "No matter what you do, you're still ugly." Insulting? Terrible? But I received them... really.

I am happy that other people consider me as an INSPIRATION. For them I have a value. I can be a friend anytime and lend my helping hand and my shoulders to someone who is in need.

On the other hand, my close friends are giving me advice not to give TOO MUCH and that I should save something for myself. Being too Self-less has its own disadvantage. What can I do? I like helping because it makes me happy and it gives a certain warm in my heart.

Changing the subject. I went to a bakeshop to buy some goods when the sales staff offered me their Cheese Tarts... what a mouth watering pastry?! High in Calories! Sugar content? Very high! But it was DELCIOUS!

Look what I found! AIRHEADS! I've been looking for this candy. The last time I ate this was when I was still an elementary student; 11 years old at that time. Happy! 

My Monday was HAPPY. Tuesday was full of sadness. Wednesday was bluer than blue (that was a song... okay.), Thursday was busy... Friday, what will you give me? 

I'm so TIRED! Did this entry make any sense? Anyway, Good night. I'm going to jump on my bed now. I hope everybody is not SAD like me. I'm wishing you all the happiness! And I want to greet my Three Musketeers. Hello to the three of you (Chocolate, Coke and Beer)... :) How's the exam? I hope you all did your very best.

Things that made me happy:

: The Beatles' "If I fell"

: Accomplishing all my task!

: Papaya

: Cheese Tarts

: Practicing guitar chords transition

: That I am still alive... at least

PS: This is my first Throwback Thursday post in my blog. My mini version (1993). I was 3 years old. What do I look like? haha!

I am still SAD.

Collection Of Words 4: Someone Turned Off The Light

 (Photo by: Frances Marie)

"Someone Turned Off The Light"

By: Erica/Erix

Date Written: October 2013

Inspiration: Girl in the Mirror

Someone turned off the light. I fell down into the labyrinth of one sidedness. I watched the process of falling down and it was full of sweet yet bitter scenes.

I accumulated tears in my eyes... tears that can't be shed in this lifetime for I don't even have the right to own these tears. I feel like a rogue thief who possess something that I shouldn't have.

But... somebody stole something from me too. I don't know when, I don't know where, I don't why, I don't how but I know "WHO".

The incompleteness that I feel every time I wake up in the morning, every time I go to sleep, every time I'm alone managed to etch itself deep inside me. Nothing and Nobody can erase it except for "WHO".

If  I could only convey everything. If I could only decipher the unspoken words and letters... If I only have the courage to let it all out. Courage? But, isn't it courageous enough for me to initiate almost everything?  Isn't it courageous enough for me to utter words that I don't usually say? Isn't it courageous enough for me to decide what I wanted? Isn't it courageous enough for me to risk every pride I have into something that clearly don't have the interest to open its door for me no matter how many times I knock? Isn't it courageous enough for me to make myself look like a pathetic woman amidst of this so called sweet yet bitter one sidedness?

No matter how much I control myself not to be like this... nature turned its own course to put me in this position. Time naturally helped the nature.

No matter how much I give, no matter how much effort I exert, no matter how many spoken and written words I convey... they don't matter at all. I don't matter.

Atoms and molecules can be seen using a scientific instrument but I may be comprised of something that's even more invisible in the naked eyes. Something that's invaluable, worthless, null.

The dreadful reality, the aching emptiness of my world.. I want to embrace myself and hush everything. But I am afraid of the deafening silence because in silence I remember vividly the yesterdays that I already memorized. I can smell the scent of sweet yet bitter smell of "Cigaro".

I sometimes hate myself for having a good memory because I can remember every tiny detail that's making me realize how heavy it is, how painful it is, how sad it is to be in this sweet yet bitter one sidedness.

How ironic! To be caught by something dreadfully precious... when I'd already decided and sworn that I would not be affected with the exquisite emotion that I once considered frivolous. How ironic! To be caught by something I considered invisible and not true.

Irony. Emptiness. Possible/Probable Rejection.

Possible rejection; if this is the process... please, just turn me into a bubble that will disappear in one blink of an eye. A bubble that will belong into nothingness once it is touch.

Possible Rejection. An abstract intangible thing that run in my head. I sometimes wonder, does it ever feel tired? Because I am tired of watching it eat every single source of my hope....

If you ever felt this way once in your life, you will understand me..

________________________________

I wrote this before my eye operation. I was very emotional at that time. I couldn't talk to anybody because everytime I tell them my feelings people will start talking. All I wanted was a "LISTENER". Someone who will listen and not talk. I gave up looking for that someone and decided to write... write... and write...

Have a good day!

With all my LOVE,

Erica/Erix

What's Up: Reducing Stress and Discoveries (Books, Movies and Music)

Can I scream? Well... can I scream virtually? because I am very "TTTTIIIIIIRRRRREEEDDDD!!!!!!!" Life is so UNFAIR but I guess that's the exact definition of LIFE; UNFAIR yet BEAUTIFUL.

I kept asking myself... and my mother asked me too... "I thought it's my/your semestral break? Why are/am you/I killing yourself/myself in doing your/my Case Study?" We asked the same question. What choice do I have? I MUST follow the orders of my professors because I'm a STUDENT. Frankly, I was so tired, it's like I squeezed the hell out of my brain just to have something to write on the blank sheet of papers. I ended up finishing all of them this week. Thank God! but the result is... STRESS.

I learned my lesson. I can never AVOID stress. However, I can REDUCE it by doing something... like Procrastinating moderately. Take note... MODERATELY.

So what did I do?

BOOKS

I read books whenever I feel like "Oh.. I'm thinking too much". I finished 4 books this week. It's not a waste of time. Well, for me it was not because through reading my English Vocabulary is expanding and this is useful for my job as well as for self development.

1. The Perks of being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.
"I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands...."

For me, it's like a modern version of "Catcher in the Rye". This book is for teenagers and those people who are young at heart... like me. OMG! I'm talking like an old person here... I'm not that old! Going on, I can relate with the protagonist. I know the feeling of being a Wallflower. That was me a few years ago. I had a lot of laugh, serious, sad and happy moments while reading this book. I think I might watch the movie but I'm still contemplating because I don't want to ruin the images of the characters on my mind.

2. Looking for Alaska by John Green.
"Sometimes you lose a battle. But mischief always wins the war."

I was a little surprised during the first few pages. I didn't expect this kind of story at all... I thought it would be like something "The fault in our stars" wherein I cried so much at the end of the book. I was totally devasted at the end... but in this book... It's more like a surreal experience for me.

3. Memories of My Melancholy Whores by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
"I'm ugly, shy and anachronistic. But by dint of not wanting to be those things I have pretended to be just the opposite."

The first book I read by Garcia Marquez was "Love at the time of Cholera" and it took me 5 years to bring myself to finish it. I bought the book year 2007, read the few chapters and continued and finished just last year. But this book is different, I couldn't bring myself to take a rest... it was a MAJOR page turner and I feel for the protagonist. I learned that since Life is short just do what your heart desires and that Love is something that is just there... you only need to realize that it's there... grab it and keep it.

4. Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster
"Being rich is such a very external quality."

I was suddenly transported to my Elementary Days. I used to watch the animated series "Judy Abbot" back then and I love it so much! This book is one of the best book about love ever written... in my opinion. I smiled, laughed and cried while reading... (I know... I'm  emotional... my blood type is O). I only have the ebook copy but I terribly want the tangible copy! This is a very rare book in my country. If somebody will "Donate" this book to me... I will love this person for the rest of my life.

MOVIES

I watched 4 movies for the past two weeks because I needed something new, I need inspiration...

1. My Rainy Days

Love story... Did I like it? Somehow. But what really retained on my mind was the "Bullying" scene. Overall, I think this can be a good movie for those who love watching. Somehow, it brought a smile on my lips and a little pinch on my heart.

2. My Name is Love (Thai Movie)

At first, I was so BORED and I wanted to just stop the film and go back to sleep but when the "twist" happened I finally got interested and was able to finish the movie. Overall... just a so-so.

3. Love at Size 4 (Thai Movie)

I'm not a Thai Movie fanatic, okay? but this was recommended to me so I just watched it. Opinion: Interesting. Recommended for those who like "Mild Romance" movie. I like the second couple and the rest... so-so.

4. Tenkousei, Sayonara Anata

Another surreal experience for me. It's not the common "Switching" theme... I guess. Funny, interesting but a little strange which made me like the movie. It reminded me of my old self during elementary days. :)

Music

Music is part of my life. Lately, whenever I'm stress I strum my guitar and practice some chords taught to me by my guitar tutor. My fingers are really swollen now.

I also discovered some great artist with earthy vibes and experimental genre. I sometimes shift from being a rock fan to classcal prim and proper girl to happy go lucky pop and to something new... Since I'm a fan of "Popoyans" I found music from different artist with almost the same music style.

(KISERU)

(Aspidistrafly)

(Gutevolk)

(Humbert Humbert)

This is a very long post. But I really like to share things that I love/like here. I hope you don't mind.

Tomorrow is Saturday, I'm going to University to finally submit my Case Studies, take home quiz and some papers. And then I am free human being!!! Hurray!

Unfortunately, there's a huge storm now. I think the capital city is in Signal number 1. No matter what happens tomorrow... I will try to be happy and patient and understanding. Life is BEAUTIFUL!

Good night!

Things that made me happy:

: Missions accomplished.

: Reading books.

: Listening to music.

: Him.

: Rice cake.

: Vegetables.

: Coconut juice.

: Zumba.

: That we are stil alive!

What's Up: Road to Somewhere (Thursday) and Book Review

 

(Photo by: Angelo Colina)

"She's so Lucky, it's THURSDAY when she bounced bounced bounced on the floor." My high school classmates used to sing me that song (Tune of LUCKY by Britney Spears) when I fell down on the stairs from third floor all the way to second floor... it happened on Thursday after class. 4:00 pm in front of the locker area. I still remember how my schoolmates suddenly stop their movements when they saw me fell down. My most embarrassing moment? NO! I had a worse experienced than that...I was known for my Clumsiness. Nerd and Clumsy.

Since then, I considered THURSDAY as the unluckiest day of the week. So far... I always experience unfortunate events during this day. And I HATE IT but they're TOLERABLE so I'm still okay.

Last thursday... I decided to unwind and go "somewhere". I thought it was a bad idea but taking risk was all worth it. On the other hand because of the weather I couldn't decide what to wear. Sunny and then cloudy and then sunny again and then cloudy and then rainy!!! what more could I ask for? I ended up with my brown Mango top made from silk and of course my sneakers. My cousin told me that I looked edgy that day which I considered a compliment but I was feeling freaking hot because of the silk.

My other cousin was supposed to meet me at 4:00 pm but he arrived at exactly 5:00 pm. Honestly, I was a little irritated but what can I do? I love my cousin so I couldn't get mad when he apologized. While waiting for him I went to a bookstore to randomly check some books and stuffs when I suddenly remember a conversation with someone important telling me that he used to like "A Wild Sheep Chase" by Haruki Murakami.

As you can see I bought it. I had some regrets after learning that his favorite book is of another title. Thank goodness... I already have that book so it was okay. :) I also bought a new bookmark. It's in butterfly shape. Just so you know I LOVE butterflies!

I spent the remaining minutes inside Gateway mall wherein I continued reading Jeffery Deaver's "A Maiden's Grave". After catching up with the story of ourlives my cousin and I felt the urge to eat something. We went to "SUBWAY" and their specialty is sandwich. My cousin knew about my eating habits that's why he suggested the place. He even gave me the free oatmeal raisin cookie. <3

(Photo from: Subway's Facebook Page)

(It was a HUGE cookie!!!)

And then... we went to Cubao Expo! My favorite "Somewhere" place. I visited the vintage bookstore that I've been visiting for the last 6 years. The place still looks the same... awesome! nerdy type! very antique and vintage!!!! The smell of the old books invited me inside and I was very happy that time! I was like in heaven. Oh... that was exaggerated. I know.

I was very lucky! these three books are very EXPENSIVE if you'll buy them in other stores. The owner gave me a HUGE discount! He remembered my face and my happy expression whenever I'm inside their store.

After parting ways with my cousin I went to university just to walk around and then I noticed that the place looked like a ghost town! And.. I ran from there to train station to catch the last train ride. I was so exhausted!

That's right! We were the only passengers who waited from that station. The guard told us to run faster as we can and we did! Walking on my way home was a disaster. There was a group of gay who tried to grab my hair and I freaked out! I walked faster as I can all the way to jeepney station. When I arrived in my room... I literally collapsed on my bed. What a day?! What a night?! Nevertheless, I had fun and my thirst for freedom was somehow satisfied... a little. 

 

Lessons learned:

- Never wear silk in a HOT weather.

- Always check the time for the last train ride.

- Never ever arrive on time when meeting a fellow citizen.

 

Today's Sunday and the bandage on my left eye (because of eye surgery) was finally removed. I jumped into reading the remaining pages of "A Maiden's Grave" and I was able to finished the book today. The student who gave me the book (the CPA) told me that I will not be able to predict the next scene in the book... but I did predicted some scene except the ending. I was very surprised. 

Jeffery Deaver is a good writer that can make the reader never to let go the book until the very end. As for me... I like the book but not terribly like. It was only an "Ah...." after reading not an "Ah!!!!" you know what I mean?... haha. Will I read his other works? Not unless someone will lend be the book... it depends.

 

Long post! Good night everyone! Life is beautiful. I'm looking forward for something in the future. I hope my simple wish will come true. I will believe... 

Things that made me happy:

- Another day

- His reply

- Oranges!!!!

- Finishing "A Maiden's Grave"

- Starting "Memories of My Melancholy Whores" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez (Very interesting)

- Removing the bandage on my eye (Great relief!)

- That we are still alive!

Blog // Goodbye September and Hello October!!!

(I'm with my cousin Ian. Photo taken by my besty Sandy at Fort Santiago Intramuros)

Stress? Tired body? Dry skin? Eyes with no life? What more can I ask for?! September was the most HECTIC month for me and I was dead tired after accomplishing all activities written on my check list.

Three MAJOR Presentations in one month
Evaluation of my VIP Students
Lesson Plans changes every week

I didn't even have the time to celebrate my birthday. I celebrated with my books and laptop while practicing my speech in my room. I wasn't able to absorb the taste of my mango cake.

For the past four weeks... I was a walking machine and my movements were all automatic. Of course I was tempted to neglect all my duties whenever I see a bookstore or coffee shop on my way home... or sometimes whenever I see pretty clothes and supermarkets or... or... or... I wanted to throw away my presentation drafts and sleep on my bed for many hours. I wanted to read lots of books without worrying about my grades in Graduate School, I wanted to go somewhere with lots of plants and flowers; far away from this polluted and overly crowded city pestered by non-stop traffic jams! But... I am not that kind of person. I am responsible, I can tolerate all work related and school related torture (maybe).

However, my body reacted to this stressful life. Dry skin? check! Tired eyes? Check! Weak immune system? check!

That's why, I made a plan this October. That is, not to neglect my health and body.

1. At least 8 glasses of water in a day

My work doesn't really allow me to follow this basic rule for a hydrated skin. This is a MUST. Whenever I feel dehydrated, I feel very weak and my eyesight changes its color... it's always black and white and I feel dizzy most of the time.

2. Fruits and Vegetables

I was able to survived with biscuits and flakes the whole September. I forgot to eat fruits and lots of vegetables. I didn't eat pork and beef though. But still... without fruits and vegetables I feel very DRY.

4. Zumba

This is another routine that I neglected. Before, I used to do this 5 times a week but because of my schedule I only danced for maybe 4 times last September and it was so FRUSTRATING.

5. No Junk foods and Fast Food

I ate junk foods and went to fast food to grab something to fill in my stomach and I HATED it. I wanted to hit myself for being so stupid. I am not going to eat junk foods until December and Fast food is a no-no until November.

My students always tell me that I'm very strict to myself and that I should have some fun by eating meat, chocolates, junk foods, or drinking alcohol sometimes... but you know, If I do that... My body and skin will react so BADLY and I don't want to suffer at the end. So instead of following their advice I do my routine because I know myself and my whole system. I am not a kill joy or anything... I just don't want to add more problems to my problems list.

Nevertheless, I can eat meat and drink alcohol occasionally (Not REGULARLY). I really hope that people will not push me to do things that I don't really like because I have my own views. I respect their views so I hope they'll repect mine too. 

I am going to go back to my routine now. The road to a Healthy Lifestyle. :) Eating what's best for me and controlling myself while being surrounded by a lot of temptations.

Just a thought:

I like the weather now. "BER" months are the best! months that usually turn me into a Romantic Day Dreamer. <3

Have a good day Everyone! Life is beautiful.

Things that made me happy:
- Fresh Coconut juice (Refreshing)
- Reading books
- Him :) (One sided)
- Zumba
- Rice cakes
- Watching movies (Japanese films)
- Japanese films with French subtitles but for some reason I could easily understand the conversation. Am I for real?! haha
- That we are still alive!