(Photo by: Rosemarie)
Did you know that one of the effects of being bullied for a long time is not having any self-esteem? That's my problem. I don't usually believe in myself especially when it comes to my physical appearance.
There are a lot of people who believe in me. People who ALWAYS tell me "You are not ugly", "You're very pretty", "You're cute"... but honestly speaking I doubt these kinds of compliments because every time I see myself in the mirror I can't see myself as someone who is "Beautiful".
I'd been called "UGLY" a million times during my teenage days and this is the reason why I consider myself as someone who is really "Ugly"... physically. However, some people... especially strangers tell me that I should change the way I think about myself because I am wrong. They've told me that I should stop thinking that I am not worth it... that nobody will like me... that they will just laugh at me... etc. because these kinds of thought will not help me, these will only make me more depress and sad.
And then during my Cousin's wedding something happened that made me decide to be more positive about myself.
When my cousin's makeup artist came in the hotel room, I was starstrucked when I saw her pretty face. I always appreciate beauty and I like seeing beautiful girls and women (I am not Lesbian, okay?). From the moment she entered the room, I could noticed her stealing glances on me... I smiled at her because I felt a little awkward.
When it was my turn for the "makeover" session. She talked to me. I learned that she used to be an English Teacher to Japanese too. We talked in Nihongo for a short time and then suddenly she said... "You know what? You're very gorgeous." I was speechless because she suddenly told me that.
"I always have an eye for beauty... so if I tell you that you're gorgeous... you should believe me." She said.
"Thank you. I believe you... because you're an artist." I said to her.
Receiving this kind of compliment from a very beautiful girl was overwhelming. She's right, almost all artist has an eye for beauty... like me. People says that I can capture beautiful pictures, draw dramatic sketches and paint paintings with stories to tell... So I believed her.
And now, she's the reason why I became a little confident with the way I look. I may not have a cute or feminine face but I will try to be more positive... because if other people can see my beauty... it's about time for me to really look on myself and look for the beauty that they are seeing on me.
Things that made me happy:
- Eating breakfast and dinner with my Aunt Tess.
- Cleaning and organizing my room.
- Drinking Tea. HEAVEN!
- Chatting with my students in "Line"
- Writing this blog entry.
- Making my cousins happy by giving them some simple presents
