I have been very open with my chronic depression and this has been the worst year so far. Seriously, I have often thought about death, killing myself, ending my life to succumb in endless sleep. Fortunately, something has saved me from the pits of hell: BOOKS.
(2015 Read Books. 59 books)
When I was in college, I swore to myself that I will read lots of books after gradation. However, there was the review school; teaching job, graduate school, as well as my job at the moment which prevents me from reading too much. But you know, reading time is the only time I find myself in peace with my surroundings. Therefore, I have acquired a large number of books this year and I do not regret letting go of the money I spent for them. Why? Because I can always meet my favorite characters and learn from them over and over again, while real people... they hurt me, they despise me, they want to inflict me pain and shame.
2015 made me realized how important being alone is. I actually like being alone than being with people. I hate petty conversation. I am lazy in talking, but when I talk about the things that interest me, I am talkative. I am a sociable introvert, remember? This caused me to become more friendly with strangers because I find them more genuine and sincere.
In 2016, I will choose the people around me more wisely.
Wishes Granted:
1.) To meet some of my former students (who eventually became my friends)
2.) Game of Thrones Book Set
3.) To visit Pinto Art Museum
The moment I saw the picture of the museum online and read the reviews... I told to myself "I will definitely go there this year". Thanks to my muffin who accompanied me and showed me how beautiful the place is. I have a plan to go back there with my Aunt this year because she has been practicing photography.
4.) Trip to Binondo
Although the day my parents and I went to Binondo to celebrate Chinese New Year was not so great... I was able to try the best dim sum ever... at least!
5.) Yamaha keyboard as MBA graduation gift
To have an MBA degree is on my Lifetime To Do List and I worked so hard to acquire it! Thinking about it now, my depression started the same time I entered graduate school, but my emotions had been an advantage because it inspired me to exert more effort and work harder. In the end, my mother gave me a keyboard as a gift, but honestly it was given to me because she wanted to learn how to play it when she was younger.
6.) To acquire TESOL certificate
Despite a number of negative issues revolved around our batch, we were able to pass the teaching demo. :) In addition, I have met new friends whom I trusted.
7.) New job and be with my family
I miss teaching so much and it will always be in my heart. What is the point of my TESOL certificate if I will not use it? That's why I am going to make a plan this year and execute it. Making decision is something that always... bewilders me, but I have to act before it's too late. I do not want to have regrets when I get older.
Thoughts:
I am quite surprise that a lot of good things happened this year despite the ever presence of Eris' shadow.
You know, I've been thinking about so many things at the same and one of these is that I've been doing things to others I do not want to be done to me such as neglecting messages. I am guilty of not sending an immediate reply to my friends and relatives. The reason is that if someone reminds me of another person whom has a connection with a certain painful experience, I tend to feel a pang of pain in my heart so I'd rather ignore the message for a while before writing my reply. That's why, one of my new years resolution is to be more emphatic towards the feelings of other people... because I know the feeling of being neglected.
Have a blessed year!
Sincerely,
Erica/Erix
