Depression is not a JOKE.

How are you doing everyone?

I think it's not a secret anymore that I've been depressed and anxious since last year... or should I say since December of 2013. Re-reading my diary entries helped me to pin point when and how I developed this constant depression. Elaborating the causes would make this entry very long.

I remember that one of my college friends told me that getting out from the deep abyss of depression would be the most difficult task a person will ever face. Finding your way out would be like solving a cross-word puzzle written in another language. It would be like choosing one path among a number of paths ahead of you. It would be like choosing to listen to one voice inside your head. Complex, perilous, difficult. These are the things that I am facing right now.

Depression is not just about feeling sad. It is more than that. Way way more than that. Imagine a thin pin piercing through each veins in your heart. You'll find yourself hyperventilating without knowing the reason. You'll feel an invisible hands choking you. You'll find that the air is too thick for you breathe. You'll find yourself floating in nowhere and a bunch of bubbles would burst out causing you to be thrown away in high speed somewhere far far away. You're like a piece of paper being teared out. You're like a piece of chalk being crushed. You're like a glass being broken, thrown and crushed. The cycle will keep going on and on. It is as if you are blind folded most of the time. All you can see is darkness.

I can't even express myself. I can't put into words how depression controlled my life for the past years. In business, I'm like a company approaching bankruptcy for I am experiencing continues losses despite the fact that my assets are still greater than my liabilities.

It has been said that there are people who can find happiness in sadness. However, I can say that there are people who can decide to use sadness and turn it into a "happiness". Life exploits us and in turn we must exploits it too. Whatever wounds, pain and heartbreaking events we experienced; whether we lost something... every thing happens for a reason. No scratch that, you have to find reason for every thing that has happened. 

I wear masks, too many masks to veil the ugly face of depression. I chose to conceal the wrinkles, scars and fresh wounds inflicted by it so that people would not judge me and call me crazy. I chose to wear these masks because showing them my real face will make me look like a beggar asking for some pity. But you know what? I don't need pity. I don't want it. What I desire is acceptance. That's all.

I know that to be understood by others is impossible or at least the possibility is low. That's why I chose this isolation because I realized that pushing myself to be a happy and outgoing person like them, to be "liked" by others would mean discarding more than half of my identity.

I love myself. I like what I do. My hands are able to create something that would take me out from this prison cell even for a second... But others don't like it. Nowadays, I don't care anymore. I don't want to mind them or even to look at them. I don't want to talk to them. I want to CUT ALL THE TIES because I AM SO TIRED. I am truly tired. I am so tired to be treated like a piece of crap because I AM NOT A CRAP. 

I know that there are still others who talk behind my back (beware, for the walls have ears), who criticize me and insult me but I have already decided to let them be. Time is precious. Time is money. I don't want to waste my very important intangible resources to something or someone who will not help me to improve. I had enough of them.

It is difficult to ignore, yes, it's true. I have been blessed with a powerful sense of hearing and I can hear them talking about me. Even if I can't control what I can hear... I can make the things they say against me into an inspiration towards improvement. You should do this too. You can do it. And I know you will.

Some people consider us depressed as someone who is on the verge of INSANITY. We are not. Insanity and depression are different things. We are not INSANE.

Although I can only see a tiny bright light ahead of me, I know that I can get out from here. Slowly it may be... I am patient and I can endure... I will endure.

It is DIFFICULT. Tremendously complicated and it always pains me. It is a heavy burden that I am always carrying. I am in constant look out for it because I don't want it to fully enter my doors. Depression is like a shadow outside my four walls. 

The next time you see me smiling, do not jump into a conclusion that "All is well." Don't ever make fun of depression because I am telling you it's a serious thing. If you have nothing to say good to us, better shut your mouth. We've been carrying too heavy burden already, don't make yourself a burden to us. And if ever you don't care, I can understand, because "How could someone who hasn't been there possibly understands?"

Each one of us has his/her own problem/s, and each of us has the right to feel "problematic". Stop saying  "My problem is worst than yours." Because it will only make us feel that we don't have any right to to feel what we want to feel.

Have a good day everyone.

Sincerely,
Erica/Erix

2015 First Quarter Movies

I've been Vlogging a lot lately. So I decided to share here the movies I've watched from January to March. Let's get started.

JANE EYRE 1996

Okay, I'm a Jane Eyre fan. I've watched the other versions (1943/44 and 2011) of the movie and read the book twice. I can't get enough of Jane and Mr. Rochester. I can't get enough!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to meet my own Mr. Rochester. :) Anyway, The actors in this movie didn't have the chemistry I've seen in 2011 version starring Mia Wasikowska... the story line is quite different from the book. Nevertheless, the essence was still there so it's quite okay for me. The 2011 version is still the best.

SHAME 2011

I watched this movie without knowing the synopsis. I just want to see it when I saw Michael Fassbender and Carey Mulligan's name. While watching... I was honestly a bit surprised but I got carried away by the actors acting and the story line. I was not into the physical action but I found myself watching them behind their actions (Mentally and emotionally). My mind was full of questions about "Why does he do it?" "Can't he control himself?" "Oh this man needs help...". This movie made me aware about things men have in their minds... their darkest thoughts about sexual relationship.

REBECCA 1940

I'm a fan of Laurence Olivier ever since I found out that he was Vivien Leigh's husband, who played Scarlett O'hara in 1938 "Gone with the Wind" movie. Oh yes! He also played Hamlet in 1948 Hamlet. However, I find him more effective as an actor in Rebecca when he played as Mr. De Winter. The chemistry between him and Joan Fontaine was fantastic. I've felt every single emotion they tried to express. And by the way, Joan Fontaine is one of my favorite classic actress who played Jane Eyere in 1943 Jane Eyre. :) If you are into classic film... I suggest this one. Alfred Hitchcock was the director; my all time favorite director.

CITY OF BONES

Young Adult. I'm not into YA anymore but once in a while I read them and watch them... uhuh... Jamie Campbell Bower was the reason why I watched this movie. When I saw him playing guitar and singing in Youtube, I made a research about him. He has good voice and he plays well. I'm a fan! :) Alright, the movie. I don't really know what to say. I enjoyed watching it but I felt like it lacked something that I still can't point out until now. The store line is okay, I was not like "Whoa" and didn't go "Kyah! Kyah!". Nevertheless, this movie made me appreciate the beauty of Lily Collins. I haven't read the series yet but I plan to. :) I wonder if they will continue the movie adaption. I am looking forward. I hope.

TESS OF THE D'URBERVILLES 1998

Thomas Hardy fan, anyone?! Oh yes, ME. The movie is quite good, no scratch that. The movie was excellent! Let me be honest. At first, I had thought that it would be boring because of the narrator. I'm not used in hearing narrator in the movies who is different from the actors. I was quite surprised when I found myself crying during a certain scene. This movie literally broke my heart. In the book, I despised Alec D'urberville A LOT! but in the movie, I fell in love with the character and I came to hate Tess a little bit. This movie made me cry thrice. It was way way too good.

JUDE 1996

I didn't know that Jude the Obscure has a movie adaption! I like this movie so much. The grotesque scene, is I can consider as the most grotesque I have seen involving children. I wasn't able to sleep for two nights because the scene was haunting me. I kept seeing the faces of the children and the reaction of Jude and Sue (Kate Winslet). However, they didn't follow the story line... as always. I love this movie.

THE RAG NYMPH 1997

I don't know why I watched it. Aside from I didn't like the story at all because it lacked many things that I always look for in a movie... the actors were not quite good... for me. However, I appreciate them. It's true. This movie made me aware about the different English accent in UK. :) I personally like the Geordie accent even if it's quite hard to understand. :) Additionally, the movie was convincing because the little Millie and the teenage Millie looked the same. According to my research, the actress who played the characters are actually sisters in real life. Little Millie is Perdita Watts who played Mary Boleyn in The Tudors series.

TRAP FOR CINDERELLA 2013

Okay, please... can anyone find me the book? I didn't know that this movie was based on a novel. Right, going back to the movie. I enjoyed it. It made me curious and used my analytical skill. Although I was able to predict the ending, the strangeness of the story line made me happy. :) I love strange things. The stranger, the better. Besides Aneurin Barnard is so handsome. Just so you know, he played King Richard III in White Queen Series and he looks like Elijah Wood... the handsome version. :)

CINDERELLA 2015

Although Snow White is my favorite Disney Princess, I like Cinderella too. :) "Have Courage and Be Kind." I watched this movie with my Japanese Bestfriend Rino. I was about to suggest this movie when she told me that she wanted to see it. I was so happy! The movie is good and Helena Bonham-Carter played as the fairy godmother! I love it! The Prince is handsome but not handsome enough for me. My taste is different. I prefer the Huntsman. Hahaha! Anyway, the movie was enjoyable, the effects were good, I like the dress and shoes and of course the moral lesson of the story. Cate Blanchett was convincing as a villain. I wanted to slap her face for being so cruel! Have you already watched this?

CINDERELLA (Aschenputtel) 1989

All right, another version. This movie is pretty hilarious. The Stepmother was so funny and the stepsister was more beautiful than Cinderella. The father was so insensitive and the Prince was... never mind. However, a lot of reviews said that this movie followed the exact story from Brother Grimm's book. Unfortunately, I couldn't find anything about Petra Vigna who played Cinderella. Is she still alive? Where is she now? She has beautiful fingers though. :)

SNOW WHITE (Schneewittchen und das Geheimnis der Zwerge) 1992

The most beautiful Snow White I've ever seen! But I was surprised about the story. 
It's different from what I have known. It's good. The Jester is really good looking. I guess most
Italians are. :)

So there you go. These are movies I've watched for the first quarter of 2015. I'll be back again
next time.

Have a good day!

Sincerely,
Erica/Erix

Things that I am grateful for:

1. That my room is finally clean.
2. That my bookshelf is finally clean.
3. Writing this entry.
4. Talking about books.
5. Reading, writing... playing guitar.
6. That my parents are in good health.
7. That my friends are in good health.
8. That I am still alive and have the chance to improve myself more.

Toxic People

 

Erix here and it has been a long time! This entry is all about the people who are becoming toxic in my life.

 

Toxic people. Who are they? They are the one who appear to be your friends but actually they aren't. They act sincere and sympathetic but you know that are secretly celebrating your downfall. They love seeing you frustrated, irritated and down. They are like a specimen who feeds from your misery. Your every pain is the supplement that keeps them alive. Your bruise is the apple of their eyes.

 

Sadly, the people whom I thought are true to me... they are starting to evolve into Toxic people. A pest. They are pulling me down. Every time I try to stand up from a bad thing that happened to me, they will create a trap so that when I walk forward I would be caught and be imprisoned in the box called FRUSTRATION.

 

They are powerful. Evil thoughts that lingers on their mind are creative. I am very confused whether to ignore or to fight. Why? Because I am getting tired of playing their devilish game but at the same time I want to avoid argument. And this is why people accuse me of being too polite and too nice. They addressed that these attitudes are the cause why these toxic people are taking advantage of me.

 

To be honest, I have been enduring their treatment towards me. They are older that's why it's very hard for me to answer back. My parents taught me to always respect the elders. But seriously, I need to stand up for myself.

 

Yes, it's true. They are not my boss. They don't have any right to ask me to do things which are not my responsibility. I am not their member and I don't have any responsibility to follow their orders.

 

I am so tired of hearing from them what I should  and should not do. I have my own mind and I don't need to listen to their every words. I have my own hands, my own feet, my own brain. So why should I listen to them? I should make use of what I have.

 

That's the thought that keeps on running on my head since yesterday. When I tried to answer back, said "No" and expressed my opinions. They gave me a sour look. They were shocked. And you know what? It felt good. I suddenly realized how liberating it was to speak your mind without having any second thoughts.

 

Of course, I will admit. Somehow, I felt bad for them. But you know sometimes, I have to be severe with others to avoid being treated like an underling.

 

I finally decided to avoid them and treat them casually. Because if I want my life to be better... I must avoid things and people that will only give me negativity.

 

Good night.

 

Sincerely,

 

Erica/Erix

 

Things that I am thankful for:

1. Talking to a friend.
2. Playing my guitar and ukulele.
3. Playing with my little cousin.
4. Doing Yoga and cardio exercise.
5. Accomplishing all my tasks.
6. Reading books.
7. That my parents are in good health.
8. That my friends are in good health.
9. That I am still alive.



January: Good Deeds

Being alone most of the time makes me think about a lot of things. Lately, I've been thinking about the humanity; the people around me.

Introverts are observant people and we sometimes think about every single detail on what is in front of us.

Nowadays, I always hear people saying "I want to give up. I can't trust the humanity anymore." Since the year started, a number of people uttered this and it made me realized that I am also on the verge of giving up.

Clutching my bag on the street, not looking people directly in their eyes, constantly looking around and walking very fast... This has been my routine every time I go out. Why? Because I've experienced a lot of bad things on the street. Anywhere I go, there will always be someone who will try to do bad things to me. Honestly, it is very hard for me to entertain strangers on the street no matter what the situation is. However, for some reason I always attract strangers. I'm like a big magnet for them and I feel like I have a big sign on my forehead that says "TALK TO ME".

People who are lost, asking for direction, randomly sharing their thoughts about the other people, comments about the food they are eating... etc. when I am outside, there will ALWAYS be a stranger who will talk to me. It's like an unavoidable event in my everyday life outside my house.

Because of the DOUBT caused by high crime rates... I became TOO skeptical.

Last Friday, I went to visit my friends. It was an EPIC FAILURE day for me and I guess for them too. A lot of bad things happened that I don't want to share here because I would sound like a complaining drama queen.

It was my first time to be in a shopping mall near my working place. From there, I looked for a taxi because I needed to go to my mother's office to get my medicine. The line was so long and it almost took me an hour before I could ride.

While waiting, there was a couple beside me. They were talking the whole time. Because I was blessed with a very clear sense of hearing, I heard everything they've said.

They were actually in a hurry to go to their destination because they needed to be there at exactly 3:00 pm. It was already 2:30 pm that time and my eyes were burning, watery and very itchy and I terribly needed my medicine and eye drops.

The couple asked me about my destination. They look embarrassed and I already had a feeling that they will ask me if they can ride the taxi before me. They told me that they're in a hurry and they must arrive on time at DFA which is located around 25 minutes from the mall.

Believe me, my eyes were hurting so much and it's very uncomfortable. I wanted to bang my head on the wall because my doctor told that scratching is a big NO. 

Despite of being uncomfortable, I let the couple ride the taxi because they are aiming to work abroad and I can understand their desire to work outside the Philippines.

Maybe some of you may consider me as STUPID, but you know... sometimes helping other people makes me feel alive, needed and that I HAVE A WORTH THIS WORLD.

Giving up on humanity is not the answer, I realized that if you want to change something in this world... you have to start within yourself. If you will always complain about the things done by others, nothing will really change. You are just adding up to the the reason why others want to give up.

I am not saying that I am the perfect human being who will always help others. My point is, if you want to be treated nicely... be nice to others first.

And you know what? Before the couple ride the taxi, they were very grateful and thankful and the woman almost cried. The couple touched my hands and said "May God Bless you always Miss." and I could see and felt that they were really sincere.

While I was inside the taxi, I suddenly felt very overwhelmed and I really felt that God blessed me. They're words and sincerity is enough for me. I felt like I won a fortune! I have forgotten about my eyes and I was very thankful too.

My Aunt Tess taught me to be nice to everyone, even if they are not towards me. I started from greeting security guards, shop assistants, saying "THANK YOU" all the time to anybody who helped me no matter how little it was. By doing these simple things, I started to feel good about the world around me, about myself and about others.

After my very dark 2014... I'm starting to see the light around me again, even if it's just a tiny bright light coming from the aperture of my prison cell...

I hope I'll have more opportunity to help others.... to help you. Because helping others helps me.

Have a good night everyone!

Sincerely,
Erica/Erix

Things that I am grateful for:

1. Playing Spanish song on my guitar. Requested by my Mama bear.
2. Cleaning my room which is my weekly routine.
3. Reading books.
4. Chatting with my friends.
5. Writing this blog.
6. That my Parents are in good health.
7. That my friends are in good health.
8. That I am starting to feel better again. Please wish me luck... I terribly need it.
9. Listening to Classical Music.
10. Playing with our puppies.

2014: Things That I Am Thankful For

Last day of 2014. As I look back on everything that has happened to me this year, I realized that I've met a series of unfortunate events.

1. Sickness. When I needed to stop working due to health problems. The smell of hospital which I really hate... 
2. I lost some friends; very close friends. Time changes everything, including people. They said that they want to cut all ties with me and I accepted it. Though it hurts so much, I couldn't just force myself to people who doesn't want me to be part of their life anymore.
3. Disagreements.
4. Backstabbing. Unfortunately, I've met a number of traitors this year.
5. Depression. It's like I've been going in and out of a certain room called "Depression".
6. Stress caused by inconsiderate people.

I experienced painful things that taught me how to be strong. I became more patient. I've learned to endure stressful situation.

Of course, there are many thing that I am grateful for this year. I find happiness in misery. Sadness makes me more productive and it inspires me to work harder.

Here are things that I am thankful and grateful for

Wishes Granted

My year started preparing for a trip that I'd been desirous for a long time. This wish was first written on my wish notebook when I was in Elementary. I was 10 years old then. After 13 years, that wish was granted by my aunt. I don't know how am I going to express how grateful I am for her. She's like a fairy godmother who grants wishes of damsel in distress.

Because of her, I was able to meet my former students who became my friends and became part of my life. Thank you Auntie Tess. I know you're going to read this. I will never forget the things you've let me experience by giving me the opportunity to go to Japan. <3

To my cousin who granted my wish to speak inside the church and during her wedding reception, Thank you. I am very grateful for the dress I was able to wear. I love laces. :) Though I really hated my hair, still I was one of the happiest people during her wedding. I will never forget that day. :)

The trip to UP DILIMAN with my cousins which I randomly wrote on my wish notebook was also granted this year. It was one of the happiest moment of this year.

The Ukulele I got for myself this Christmas. I have a thing for string instruments. I always find the sound they create as something that is really amazing. In just a day, I was able to play and sing a number of songs. :)

This is the acoustic-electric guitar I got for my birthday. :) My mother gave me this... I wanted a color brown though. Haha! The strings got broken two weeks ago because I was relieving my stress; I played hard.

The time I went to Cool Beans Cafe with my MBA buddies. I was pestering and persuading them to go there and they granted my wish. :)

And the trip to Baguio with my cousins. We've met a series of unfortunate events, frustrating and irritating situations, but we had fun at the end. We bonded and the trip made us more close... well I hope because this what I feel.

And last, the Birthday wish and Christmas wish that came true. I will not elaborate here, there were simple wishes which seemed impossible but God made it possible! He's really great! I will never forget it.

My Fairy Godparents

During my period of depression, they were there for me. They always talk to me, send me messages in facebook. They always check me out and give me advice. They encouraged me and convinced me that everything would be alright.

There are times when it's really difficult for me to express myself and talk with other people. Since, I don't want to bother my mother too much, I always go to my Fairy Godparents to open up about  everything that's bothering me. I can be honest with them. I can tell them almost everything and they are always willing to LISTEN. Thank you so much!

My MBA Buddies

Being an introvert and a former agoraphobic, it's really nice to meet friends from different ages. I can call them Brothers and Sisters and I can treat them as my family the way they treat me. At first they thought that I was a snob (which is the usual impression of me), but they welcomed me in their group and I am very grateful for that. :) These friends taught me a lot of things since they older and far more experienced than me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. They are the reason why I always look forward to go to school. :) Of course... I like studying with them!

Good Grades

Sadness makes me more productive. When I am sad or troubled I always pour everything on things that I must finish such as homework, reports, research papers, presentations. Despite every bad things that had happened to me, I am thankful because I was able to get a good result.

My Arts

My art helps me to have a peace of mind. Focusing with the colors and the curves and all the lines and details on my sketch pad, watercolor pad or canvass helps me to set aside all my troubles. It's like drinking alcohol, you can forget almost everything and sadness would be replaced by feeling of accomplishment after seeing the finished product of my imagination.

Being able to play Musical Instruments

When I was a kid, I've written in my diary that I wanted to learn to play at least three musical instruments. Growing up, I have uncles who likes to sing and relatives who always play music like "The Cranberries" and I could remember that I used to sing out loud while inventing the lyrics of the song. I'm not good in playing and singing, but I can. I use music to relieve my stress and it helps me a lot. This year... music and arts serve as medicine and I am very grateful to the people who appreciates my "Shame-less" video which I uploaded on my private facebook account. To Rino-chan who looks forward and listens to my songs. Thank you.

My Family

My cousins, my aunts and uncles, my parents... everyone. This year... was all about bonding with them. I want our relationship to be really close. :)

Handwritten Letters

I love writing long hand written letters and I love receiving one too. I prefer letters than email when it comes to expressing emotions and feeling because I find it more sincere. The person writing is exerting an effort and that is a plus for me. To everyone who gave me letters.. Thank you so much. They are safe in my letter box. :)

Friends and Students

Believe or not, I always look forward to go to work and school to see everyone. I am always alone, and talking with different kinds of people is such a nice experience. I treasure everyone who treats me well.

My Mother

My best friend, my true love... my mother. I am very thankful to have a mother like her. She sometimes act like my age that's why we really bonded and we are really close. She gave everything I needed; emotional support, advice, EVERYTHING! I will never forget everything she has given me and I hope we can continue this kind of relationship when we get older. I love my mama so much. :) To my friends who like my mother... Thank you.

To all the people who became part of my 2014... THANK YOU for making my year colorful! Thank you for being part of it and for giving me opportunities to learn many things about life!

I hope to become part of your life next year and the year after that.

Have a great day Everyone!

Good bye 2014!

Let's all welcome 2015 with smile on our lips and with a positive mind. I hope I can... well... I will.

Sincerely,
Erica/Erix

In The Middle Of Nowhere

"Lessons once learned are so hard to forget it though..."
Middle of Nowhere by Ellegarden

I once believed that if you would not mind what other people say to you... everything would be okay. But closing your ears from the world, from reality is difficult as swallowing a number of pills without water and with a dry throat. 

You know, I've been thinking that maybe the problem is within me or maybe the problem is me. No matter how clean you are, no matter how kind you are, caring and thoughtful you are, sincere you are, and honest you are... there will be people who'll criticize you for everything that you do.

Stress and depression are like magnets that are pulling me to the center of gravity called darkness. I am in the middle of nowhere and I am desirous to turn off all the lights, shut down all my circuits, and cut myself off from the world. I don't mean that I want to die, all I want is a few days of straight slumber... without waking up. I need to re-charge for I feel like I am overly used by people. Why? I feel so tired with everything. I see the world with its monotonous appearance. People looks the same. I hear the same thing everyday. I see the same thing. Everyday seems like yesterday... no change. It's like I'm in a place where it is simultaneously quiet and and noisy.

Going to places where other people USUALLY go made me "USUAL". By doing the same thing that other people do... these things sucked my uniqueness. It absorbed my very identity reason why I feel like I became one of them.

But then, my greatest foe is MYSELF. That's right. My inner demons are trying to ruin me. They are pushing everything aside to make way for my deepest and darkest thoughts. My defenses are being crashed and smashed into tiny million pieces. Every foundation I built to secure them from their container are being broken. Their unity is astounding!

The funny thing is, people around me always assume that the cause of my overwhelmingly dark aura is my love life. Oh no. Love life. Men. This is not the right time to think about them. My love life caused me stressed and a broken heart. Besides, I will never push myself onto someone who clearly doesn't want me. I had enough of it.

And when I look and stare at myself on the mirror. I see the very vision of EMPTINESS, BROKENNESS... after absorbing all the negativity of others who poured their hearts on me... I have no one to listen to me; to release myself from this misery.

What am I saying? What the hell am I saying again? Ah... yes... I am in the part where I want to say I am very tired. I am so tired. I am so weak... you know what I want? PEACE OF MIND. But I guess, it will be a long journey for me to see the light again.

Christmas is coming... but I can't feel anything. Christmas is all about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ... I don't need gifts or anything. For now, It's more than enough that I can write on my journal to talk to HIM. Right now, I can feel that He's the only one who is really willing to listen.

Have a good night.

Sincerely,
Erica/Erix

Things that made me happy:

THAT I AM STILL ALIVE.

October 2014 Part 2: Road trip... University of the Philippines Diliman

(Photo by: Maritess Boudreau)

Two months ago, I was randomly writing on my "Dream and Aspiration" journal about the things that I want to do before this year ends. I've written about "Road Trip with cousins at UP Diliman". Surprisingly, it really happened! I was so happy. Really happy.

I missed my cousins a lot. I'd lived like a "Prisoner" for the past months, since I was in the middle of writing my drafts, writing my reports, studying for weekly exams.... school works... and personal problems which I don't want to elaborate here anymore. Yes, I got depressed... well, I still am. During this period, I was looking for support and shoulders to lean on, but I felt like everyone was so far, out of reach and the only thing I could do at that time was to write, read and send messages to my cousins and to my fairy godparents (BBG, you know who you are guys...). Those helped me to somehow get a grip on reality that "I can do this". I was able to focus and voila! It's Semester break and I am now with my  favorite and important people in my life!

Enough with the drama!

So yes. I was with my Aunt and my cousins during this "Road Trip". We enjoyed walking around and taking countless pictures. We took advantage of the weather and scenery. It was so green and windy which I really like. I love nature. If not only for the shoes that I was wearing that day, I would have fully enjoyed the walk. My feet was aching so much and I forgot to bring my spare sandals.

Oh... It would be nice if I could stay here for a long time, but we needed to go somewhere... Next time, maybe on December we're going to come back here. The branches and the trees and of course the path walks; I love them so much. It made me feel like I was in a fairy tale. Right.

We literally took many pictures... like funny pictures (Funny for us). We were laughing all the time which was really nice because I was able to relieve some of my stress and forgot some of my worries and heartache. Hahaha! Yes!

I felt so helpless because of my feet so we took a rest for a while. There were many people jogging and walking around and I was an introvert trespassing the world of extroverts. Do you get it? From the moment I sat on the bench, it made me feel like I'm inside my "Hamster Ball". I am not really good in open spaces. I used to be Agoraphobic, that's why.

Yes. My Aunt became my photographer. She's really good in taking pictures and it's nice to know that I'm one of the people who influenced her with regards with photography.

I don't have much time to take some pictures and I terribly miss the "Nature Photo Session". I used to go somewhere every week, but due to my hectic schedule... I can't.

This is my cousin Jerix. He came late because he had a class before this. He's actually our Mascot, "The Comedian". Whenever he's around... everything would be colorful... and ALIVE!

I will go back here with them... again! Just so you know, I took the entrance examination here... and the rest is HISTORY.

Oh how I miss them so much... without them... I feel neutral and most of the time... talking with myself.

Have a great day everyone!

Sincerely,
Erica/Erix

Things that made me happy:

1. Reading Books
2. Playing and singing some songs... especially Guitar riffing of "Greensleeves". I'm a fan of King Henry VIII
3. Crossing out things to do on my check list.
4. Cleaning my room.
5. That I'm still alive.
6. That my parents are in good health.
7. That my friends are fine.
8. That I am inside my hamster ball. :)
9. That it's not yet raining in Manila because I'm really worried about the Typhoon Ruby. I have lots of things to do next week... please.
10. Listening to Karen O music. Ukulele... let's see. :) I'm excited. PLEASE!!!! Let me have it!!!!!