A Tale Of Woe (May-June-July-August)

It's been a long time. I miss writing here so much. I've been busy with a lot of things lately. I suffered from depression, extreme panic attack, anxiety, stress... you name it. My life for the past four months had been a total darkness. Lights were out. Suffocation. Frustration. I had a lot of questions. I wanted to find the answers. I sought for solutions without knowing where to start. I'd been living like a puppet controlled by my own hands. I'd been following the fast flow of time.

I did what I have to do. I finished all my tasks. I moved on with my life carrying the scars and wound inflicted by disappointments and drastic changes I'd been through.

I got myself drunk in reading books. Tons of books. I spent my days in the library. Whenever sadness attacks my consciousness, I will always open my books to finish all my presentations in Graduate School. And you know what? I ended up finishing them ahead of deadline. Yet, without anything to do, crossing out all the things I must do on my "to do list" made me feel alone.

Do you know the feeling of being treated like a sadness absorber? The feeling is so UGLY... people come to me to talk about their sadness and I absorb their emotions. I sip it like a wine... it's not their fault, but mine alone. Too much Empathy towards others made me so sick.

Just remembering those four months... "I don't want to go back there again. Please."

I got my heart shattered. Not just broken because it was trampled on, tear into million pieces, crushed, squeezed... and I don't even know why! I didn't deserve to be treated like that. I mean, why? What's the reason? I kept asking myself... well, I am still asking myself.

I have a lot questions. I want to ask, but I couldn't find the perfect timing. Now that everything's falling into their right places... I don't want to ruin the calmness of my surroundings. I don't want to stir some trouble which will cause awkwardness.

I missed a lot of people. I want to tell that I miss them so much, but I can't say the words because I am afraid of being rejected again. I chose to keep the words in my heart.

I miss my smile, my laugh, the genuineness of happiness. The missing part is still missing. Believe it or not... I am trying my best to complete the incompleteness. I am doing my best to convince myself that my happiness lies within my hands.

September. I am doing great... but since yesterday I feel a little down. I want to do a lot of things! I want to get away from here and go somewhere else. I've been dreaming of a certain place over and over again... it's calling me. I want a new environment. I want to see all the people that I've met before. There's so many things that I want to do; alone and with someone.

Nevertheless, through these bad experiences... I came to understand myself better. I was able to improve myself and prove to others that even if I am carrying a lot of weigh of my shoulders... I could still balance my personal and professional life.

This is another random post... I just wanted to talk here...

Sincerely,
Erica/Erix

Things that made me happy:

1. Eating green apple, grapes and oranges.
2. Playing the guitar and singing.
3. Writing
4. That I am still alive

Tonight As I Lay On My Bed

Tonight as I lay on my bed, the softest waft of the wind has entered my window. I can hear the billowing pelt of tiny drops of night rain which serves as a monotonous music on my background. The lights are out for I turned it off beforehand and it looks like the massive darkness became aware of my existence for it is trying to gradually consume me.

The full moon illuminates as its tiny gleam penetrates each aperture that is accessible. The softest breeze blows my ruddy curtain. My inexorably curly hair is spread out on top of my head; with its florid hue and superfluous cherry smell, one may think that I am a vain girl... but I am not. I am just desirous to recompense and thirsty to indemnify my flaws.

I am humming the tune of the last song I have heard. Its melody seemed to find a place in me, it feels at home as its note flows through every vein in my body, causing my mouth to form words owned by the lyrics of this song I can't even remember the title. I am tapping the fingers of my left hand, which are blessed with flexibility due from the painstakingly practicing guitar.

And now as I am lying on my back, I am stretching out my right hand through the darkness. I am trying to reach something which is painfully intangible in my tiny little world. I am trying to grasp something which is not there. It pains me to think that I will never be able to reach it, to grasp it, to touch it... or to even to lay my eyes on it again. My hands are so desirous to claim it... again. It is creating a tiny hole in my chest and it's drilling its way down causing me to hyperventilate. My head suddenly feels bigger and my mouth gapes as I am trying to exhale through it.

My eyes are starting to see a reflection. I furrow my brows as I try to focus on the obscure figure in front of me. It is the figure of someone my heart knows so much. Every lineament, every breadth, the familiar visage that I am longing to see, the variations of countenance that I fully memorized... The rapidity of time helped me memorize them all. Everything is achingly etched in my mind and soul. Even when I shut off my body, the persistency of my subconscious mind will insolently fuel myself up, creating an aperture to wake me and to remember what I am trying my best to forget. My subconscious mind is untying all the perplexing bundle of knots of my shut off mind to induce it to relinquish its stubborn disposition towards forgetting.

I close my eyes. I open my eyes and I am trying to stare blankly into the darkness which I feel now is paving way for a whit of tranquility of my mind.

Erix...

Collection Of Words 14: A Piece Of Mow

Ways To Mend Your Broken Heart

There are times in our life when we can’t seem to find a way out in a certain unfortunate situation. Times when we want to give up.

Times when your frustration eats you because you can’t think of solutions to solve your problems. Times when you feel that everyone is deserting you because of your everyday drama. Times when you feel that people only know your name when they needed something from you and after getting what they wanted, you will be back as a stranger to them; a nobody; a staff in a Favor Bank (Just like what Paulo Coelho said in his book “The Zahir”). Times when you just want to disappear so that everything will stop, your surroundings will be in a state of idleness and you will not hear anything; even your breathing and the beat of your heart will be dissolved into nothingness.

You feel helpless. No matter what other people say to you, they don’t create a certain spark that will wake you up from the slumber of brokenness. In other words, you are already drowning and on the verge of slipping into the deep abyss of sadness. In that place, you can’t see clearly for even a tiny bright light that may lead you out is cannot be seen. You are lost on your way, there’s no one to guide you, there’s no one to pull you up, there’s no one who will say “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Why? Because even if there are people who are trying to help you, trying to pull you up; people who are willing to lend their helping hands to get you out from your misery… you are deaf from all their help since you shut them up in order to focus on your problems and solving each one of them by laying them out in front causing you to see only the excruciating pain and agonizing wounds which are making you simultaneous blind.

The help will start inside of you. If you will not try to help yourself first, the help from other people will only be in vain. Useless words, no matter how inspirational they are, for you are already deaf and blind. But you can still have the sense of touch. You can still feel for if not, you will not be able to feel the pain. If you start by helping yourself to get up, you will get the affinity that you desire the most to achieve the peace of mind.

Do Not Feel Rejected (General)

The person you love cannot love you back. The person you love, love someone else. The person you love rejected you. Rejected you because you are not the person they want.

Remember “The” person. This article pertains to a single specific thing. If you are rejected by a single person, it doesn’t mean that the whole world already rejected you. How about your friends? Your family? Did they reject you? Are they rejecting you? Maybe they are the one who are trying to help you see the light. Maybe they are the one who are trying to guide you out of your painstakingly terrible situation.

I know that it’s hard because I have experienced this. Believe me or not, but it took me 4 years to get over a certain situation. But when I met TRUE friends who gave me an honest and unbiased advice, I was awakened from my deep sleep.

Do you know what you must do? You have to listen to the tiny little voice inside of you that is saying “Wake up. The reality is the real world. Stop living in your imagination that everything is still the same. Time changes everything and you have to accept the FACT that he/she is not part of your life anymore.”

By accepting what REALLY happened to you, you will feel that some of the weight on your shoulders will disappear, if not gradually, slowly at least. You need to accept the fact. It’s hard? Yes, it is. It’s painful? Very much. It hurts and it feels like you’re going to die? Yes of course. But as what Socrates has said “Beautiful things are Hard.” So, in order to efface every hindrance in front for you to move on… you have to exert efforts, you must fight, you must accept and release everything so that you will start seeing the world beautiful again.

Remember. You are not REJECTED. Don’t let a single person ruin your perception about love and relationship.

Make The Most Of Bad Situations

You are not motivated to the things that you must do because it’s like starting all over again; starting from scratch. You have no idea what to do with your life. You don’t know the reason why you are experiencing such torment and no matter how much you contrive, you cannot think of any plan how to get out of your situation to end your misery.

It doesn’t matter if you are a pessimist or an optimist, but if you want to help yourself, you will do anything, right? As long as it needs a just action.

You must treat these bad situations as a lesson in your life. The mistakes that you made in the past that caused you misery will serve as a fuel for you to move on. You have to use them as inducements to make your life better.

“You are not good enough.” Then make yourself good enough, not for the person who told you this, but for the people that are important to you.

“I don’t like you because you are not like her.” Then be yourself. You don’t have to change yourself to be someone who is not you. Self-actualization is a must in this competitive globalized environment and you must accept yourself first. Acceptance will lead you to knowing yourself better. This proper knowledge about oneself will help you to make use of your capabilities and abilities for the benefit of many people. Remember, you don’t need to please everyone because it is normal for someone to hate you. If the person you love doesn’t like you because you’re not outgoing, because you like reading books, because you like playing instrument instead of going to concerts, because you like studying, because you don’t wear sexy clothes, because you are not like the other girls or women… then this person is not worth your precious time. If this person really loves you, he/she will accept you no matter what and who you are.

Learn New Things

One of the best remedy for a broken heart is to learn new things. You feel depressed and it’s eating you up alive. This can make your skin dry, can trigger an acne breakout, can make you feel fat, can make you feel ugly, can make you see things as dark. Sounds ugly, right? Then you must alleviate your attention from the things which depresses you. If you will only focus from what is bad and not on what is good… everything will be bad on your perspective. Your world will be in chaos; random strings which are out of place.

Personally speaking, learning how to play guitar helped me a lot to lessen my depression. And honestly speaking, I am a mortally wounded and depressed person ever since. I already accepted the fact that some people around me don’t like me for who I am. They don’t like what I am doing and they don’t appreciate anything from me. But along the way, I came to like and love myself because this is how I was made… the only thing I can do is to enhance myself.

By focusing on new activities, it will help you focus on the positive side of life. Learning will always start from scratch. The process of learning, although difficult is worth it, if you let yourself enjoy what you are doing. Enjoyment is associated with happiness… you will gradually feel that the tension in your body will lessen. And of course the result? Your depression will somehow be relieved. You cannot really erase it, but at least you can do something to lessen it that will lead you to have a happy disposition in life.

Try to learn something new. Drawing perhaps, writing, reading books, Zumba, dance fitness. Go to the gym, try a new sport… let yourself be active and rest your heart from the heavy burden of a broken heart.

Say No To Revenge

Somebody treated you like a piece of trash? Treated you as a mere past-time? Considered you as a reservation? Made you feel like an important person without knowing that you were just a sadness reliever… in short, a person made you feel very small. You self-pitied. You are now hurting and in great pain. You feel angry. You wanted to hurt the other person to let him/her know the pain that you are going through.

But… please don’t. If you are aiming for a peace of mind, the best thing you can do is to accept what happened and of course learned from it. You hate what is happening to you right now, right? Then why do you need to let other people feel the same way as you do, if you already know how painful it is to be in your situation? Revenge will not do you good. This will only create more pain inside of your heart. This will only make you feel more confused.

Let time do the revenge for you. Remember that there are BAD KARMA and this will hit a person very fast. It’s like a sneaking venom that will strike a defenseless person.

I also suggest not to post “TOO MUCH” hatred on your SNS accounts. Do you know why? Because this action can make you look like a PATHETIC attention seeking person. You hate the term. I know. If you want to express your hatred, write it down; on your diary, journal, blog (like what I am doing) or on any piece of paper.

But please do not do reckless things that will lead to your ruin. Because if you do, you will be the poor loser at the end.

Always Remember That You Are Not Ugly

Rejection doesn’t mean that you are ugly although it can make you feel as one. Beauty is all about the way you see yourself. If other people call you ugly, that’s their opinion, that’s how they see you… it is not yours but theirs. As I have said before, everything will have to start from you. Start from feeling beautiful. Start from accepting your flaws. Do not be overwhelmed by advertisements you see on media. They were PHOTSHOPPED. They were ENHANCED. Marketers and advertisers use this marketing strategy to promote their products and enticed the market to buy them. Wake up! You are not ugly. Do you know what you must do? That is to enhance what you already have.

Physically speaking, wearing appropriate makeup will not make you look like a “Hooker”, a “Flirt”, a “Prostitute” or a “Whore” neither. Makeup, if use appropriately and adequately can make you look and feel beautiful. It can give you confidence. It’s a women’s defense, so use it.

The next thing to do is to clean your inside. Set aside all negative thoughts. Start thinking about happy thoughts. As for me, I always write on my mini notebook “Things that made me happy” because they will always remind me that life is indeed beautiful no matter how unfair it is.

Do good things and be good. Be considerate and patience. Don’t let anger ruin your beauty. Do not plant seed of grudge inside you because if this will grow… you will be a person oozing with negative aura and people will avoid you.

Start by being good and true to yourself. Love yourself. Make yourself beautiful not only on the outside but also in the inside.


Always remember that YOU ARE A TREASURE and the person who will find you will treat you as one. You are not alone… you have your friends and family with you so stop feeling neglected and abandoned. Let yourself be exposed to change and do not be afraid about the future. Focus on what’s IMPORTANT and stop wasting your time on people who can’t even give you a tiny space in their life. Do not force them to like or love you. If they don’t want you, then don’t. The earth is a big place. Do not push yourself in a tiny space. Your time is PRECIOUS. You are beautiful if you see yourself as one.

Just BE YOURSELF and step out from your shadow.

Have a great day!

Sincerely,

Erica/Erix

 

Blog // Why I Like Writing (5 Reasons)

(Draft For My Collection Of Words)

 

It’s been almost three years since I started this blog. Since then, I have continued to write here whatever goes on my mind. Random things that interest me, things that I’m doing, my thoughts, my emotions, my ideas, my opinions, recipe etc.… anything goes.

 

People asked me questions like:

“Do you write to become famous? Do you want people to know you?”

“Why do you write?”

“What are you thinking whenever you write?”

“Writing is such a waste of time, why do you do it?”

“Do you think you’ll be rich if you write?”

 

I always get these questions from people who are supposed to support me in writing.. Unfortunately, they can’t understand why I like to write.

“Do you write to become famous? Do you want people to know you?”

Of course not. I never dreamed of becoming famous. As much as possible, I want to stay anonymous. But the things on my blog, I share them to selected people… people in my PRIVATE Facebook account and Instagram. I like it when strangers read my blog. Because they don’t really care much who I really am, they give me HONEST and unbiased opinion… and they don’t insult me.

I like writing because:

Emotional Therapy

I’ve been in many bad situations. I met cruel and insulting people. I’ve been backstabbed by people whom I thought were my friends. I was treated like a piece of SH*T. People disappointed me again and again… and these things that happened to me caused me a lot of emotional issues.

I am not like other people who can fight ASAP. I didn’t have the guts and the confidence to express what I felt during those situations and I still don't. Most of the time, I keep everything to myself. Talking to others about them would be in vain, because some of them will not let me finish with my story first, they will insert theirs and the next thing I knew we would be talking about his/her situation, not mine. So instead of releasing what’s inside me, I always ended up carrying a heavier burden on my shoulders compared before. The results are stress and depression, which are two of the main reasons why I write.

 

In writing, I have the freedom to express what I want to express and to say what I want to say which I am not capable of saying in person. There are a lot of hindrances in communicating verbally with other people and the best way for me to speak my mind is through writing.

 

Every time I write, I feel that my mind and my hands are in some kind of an agreement because they work in unity.

 

Writing helped me and still helping me to ease the sadness, stress, depression, frustration, tension, confusion. I just write everything on a piece of paper. Sometimes in rhyming words (Collection of words), sometimes through a dramatic short story, etc.…

 

Writing is an Emotional Therapy for me. In writing, I can find peace of mind, even if only for a short time.

 

Communication Channel With Strangers

It is never my intention to have readers. I started sharing my blog just last year to selected friends whom I know will understand me and will never insult me. I don’t even put on tags on my posts.

However, some strangers or people from other countries will sometimes stumble on my blog. I don’t know if they read my posts in detail, but there were some who sometimes send me emails, extending their appreciation on a certain post.

It’s nice to know that there are people who can relate to my boring life.

 

A Way Of Creating My Own Tiny Little World

I am a City Woman. I was born in a City and sometimes I feel tired being here. Too much pollution, noise, crowded places, partying here and there, the constant back-biting of people… it’s tiring to be in this kind of environment. Whenever I feel tired being here, I just write and re-read my blog posts. Why? Because I can release everything through writing. I can express my appreciation about everyday life tiny miracles like sunshine, sunrise, sunset, birds, flowers, nature, etc.… without being judged as a soft hearted weird human being. Whenever I say my thoughts about them, my listeners will call me a CHEESY, CORNY and DRAMATIC person. Is it really? I just like expressing my appreciation with everything around me, because these things are some of the reasons why I am not giving up the society I am currently in to.

 

Helped/Helps Me To Be Open Minded

Even before I started writing, I was a bookworm first and I still am. My friends say that “I devour books like a glutton devour their food” (From “The Innocent Traitor” by Alison Weir”). Reading a lot helped me widen my vocabulary, review my grammar and learn things which I didn’t know before. Reading and writing enlightened me about Life, Love, Beauty and Death. They helped me understand myself more and they are helping me to understand other people now. Writing enlightened me and I want to be enlightened, more in the future.

 

Best Remedy For Heartache

I’ve seen a lot of broken hearted women who write in their journal to ease their heartache. I’m doing this “Writing on my Diary” thing ever since. Heartache about love or about anything that is causing your heart to feel pain. Sometimes, we lose important people in our lives, sometimes people leave us without saying goodbye, sometimes they hurt us without the intention to… and these causes us heartache. The best way to somehow ease the pain is to “Write” it down on a piece of paper.

 

So those are my 5 basic reasons why I write. Do we have the same reason?… Or maybe you’re too lazy to write?  But believe me or not, Writing helped me to become a BETTER person. Try it sometimes and you’ll see what I am talking about.

I write not to impress, but to express and if other people can’t understand this… I can’t do anything but to accept their opinion, even if sometimes it hurts me to be criticized in a destructive way.

Have a good day everyone!

Sincerely,

Erica/Erix

Things that made me happy:

1. Writing this blog post. I hope that the people who will read this will somehow relate with my 5 Basic Reasons Why I Write.
2. My book package arrived yesterday. One of my weird hobbies is collecting old books. I'm so happy because I was able to get a 1961 copy of Leo Tolstoy Resurrection. Yes! :)
3. Exercising and drinking my Lemon Water Detox.
4. Reading "The Republic Of Plato" while eating my breakfast. I enjoyed my toast because of my strawberry jam. I love strawberry! <3
5. Playing guitar and singing along. I don't care if I am not good... I just wanted to release some stress because lately... I am not happy.
6. That I am still ALIVE. :)



Blog // I Am Blessed (5 Reasons) And So Are You

Do you sometimes feel like you are the UNLIKIEST person in the world? Do you feel like you’re the UGLIEST and that no man will ever accept you for who and what you are? Do you feel like the whole world hates you and that nobody will ever be in your company? Do you feel neglected and abandoned in times of trouble? Do you sometimes feel like there’s no HOPE and that you want to give up?

Because I DID… and I still DO sometimes. Lately… these are what I have been feeling. I worry about things like these from time to time… specially when bad things keep on happening to me in a series of unfortunate events. I am very emotional and sensitive. Some will say that I am so hard and strict to myself and the word “PERFECTION” is imprinted on my forehead. I must admit that I am guilty with this “Perfectionism” syndrome.

For the past months I’ve been into series of events wherein I suffered so much; Emotionally and Physically. You know, enduring everything by yourself is not good. It has been said that “Too much” is not really good, right? Enduring “Anger”, “Sadness”, “Confusion”, “Frustration”, “Desire” etc… can cause a person to be stressed and depressed for a long period of time which can result to “ANXIETY”.

Maybe, I was blinded by the saying “TIME WILL SOLVE EVERY THING”, but waiting and letting time alone to solve everything is not enough. If you will not act and do something… how will you be able to break free from your current painstakingly situation? Yes, you feel helpless, that’s why you are letting yourself be carried away or blown away by time and everything that’s happening around you. However, nothing will change if you will not act and speak what’s in your mind. Don’t be like me who is always TIMID. I can’t even voice out my opinion to the elderly even if I know that my reasons are justifiable enough to be accepted by others. It’s one of my flaws. One of my seniors scolded me for being this way and I learned my lessons from it. Being TOO NICE can’t help you in this competitive world. You must speak out so that your opinions and ideas will be heard… you might never know that your words will be able to make a difference. Tiny difference is STILL a difference… it might be small but it CAN be material. And always remember that YOU ARE BLESS.

The bad things that I had experienced made me appreciate my life and myself even more. They taught me how to be me, to be more patient and to believe in life. Therefore, I am Bless and so ARE YOU.

We are blessed because:

We are where we are now:

Some of us are working, some are maybe in school, some are job hunting and some are maybe doing things that they must do in order to survive in this world. Do not think about what you DON’T HAVE. Instead… let us FOCUS on what we have. Appreciating where we are now and what we have now will make us even more THANKFUL for every little thing. Some people are unemployed, some are illiterate, some do not even have money to pay for tuition fee and some people are stuck from being an undergraduate… Do not be envious about the success of others, because WE DON’T know what kind of journey they had experienced before they arrived where they are now. You are BLESSED for having a job, for being able to go to school, for having an opportunity to look for a job.

We Have A Roof Above Our Head:

It doesn’t matter if you live in an apartment, condominium, mansion, big house, small house, studio unit… what matters is that you have what you can call a “HOME” where, at the end of the day you can go inside. The roof above your head will shelter you from the heavy rain, snow storm, and terrible heat of the sun. The roof serves as your protection against many things… You are blessed for having a roof above your head because there are a lot of people who live in the street. No matter how small your house is always remember that there is someone out there who is wishing that they have a house like yours.

You Can Do What You Are Currently Doing:

Whether it be job related, a hobby or an activity to pass the time… we should be THANKFUL for everything that we can do. Reading books, writing, playing an instrument, speaking, doing your job well or sometimes just playing cards. Why? Because there are people who can’t see, who can’t hear, people who are unable to do the things that you can do because they don’t have the capability to do so. Some of them are not blessed with perfect number of body parts or a perfect number of senses… You are blessed because of what you can do. So let us use our capabilities to make a positive difference in this world.

We Have Someone We Can Call As True Friends:

I believe that everyone of us have TRUE FRIENDS. True and Loyal friends who are on your side not only during the good times but also during the bad times. It has been said that you will know who your true friends are when you are in a bad situation. Like me, I can say that I have few true and loyal friends. They accepted me for WHO I am. They have seen me without makeup… they have seen me in my worst appearance but they didn’t forsake me; instead they’ve embraced my flaws because every flaw that I have is PART OF ME. And we are so blessed for having them in our lives.

We Are Alive:

After what happened to me, I appreciate my life and myself more. Every one of us is experiencing a different kind of pain. We have our own problem, battle and fight… we mustn’t act as if we are the only one who have problems. Being able to wake up in the morning safely is already a blessing, don’t you think so? Being able to see the sunlight in the morning is what I consider a miracle because it means that I am alive and I still have the opportunity to make my life more colorful. We are blessed because we are alive.

So see, in every little thing… we are blessed. Don’t let a single bad event ruin every happiness that you have. Time will solve everything… but make sure to act and not just wait. Hope but never ever expect.

I bid you a good day everyone.

Sincerely,
Erica/Erix

Things that made happy:

1. Being able to read books... alone.
2. Being able to find some good secondhand books. I like buying secondhand and/or old books.
3. Diner with my mother. We ate a very spicy Korean Crispy Chicken. I love chicken. <3
4. That I am still alive.

Blog // Rude People

I am going to talk about here about my recent experience with Rude People last month. I was on my to the train station. It's summer and I usually take the shortcut by entering a "High End" shopping mall along Ortigas (High end?) I always walk there because it's convenient, air-conditioned and it's not polluted. And because the Security Guards always see me, I've became acquainted with some of them. They always greet me and they don't even check my bag anymore. Sometimes they will ask me why am I too early or if I finished my job early etc... I don't know their name and they don't know mine too. Regardless, I talk to them once in a while.

And then one day. After I got off from a taxi, I walked towards the entrance of the mall; a white car parked in front of me. I was like... "This is not the place for unloading the passenger"... couldn't they see the sign? But I just ignored them. From that car, a woman of late forties got off together with her husband. She was carrying an LV bag, the usual see-through blouse and some black slacks with her super high heels (I bet it was CMG). She was very petite. While her husband... If I can remember correctly... he was wearing a CK Shirt. They were talking in English which is very common in that area. I was on my way to the entrance. I was walking ahead of this couple while all of a sudden the woman pushed me aside so that she will be the first one to be checked by the guards. I was like... "What did just happen?" Her husband eyed me from head to toe as if calculating the price of what I was wearing at that time. I felt terrible and I wanted to pushed the woman too... but no! My mother raised me well. And then they stopped just in front of the main entrance. They were conversing. When it was my turn to be checked... the guards greeted me warmly.

"Good Afternoon Maam... You're early today."
I answered "Good Afternoon. Yes. Thank you."

The guard didn't check my bag... she only smiled at me. I saw the expression of the couple who eyed as if wondering who I was. I gave them my sideway glance, chin up, stomach in and went on my way. If you will only see the expression on the faces... it was extremely hilarious.

Why? Because I was carrying a huge backpack for mountain climbing, my favorite almost faded pants from Forever 21, my overly used sketchers running shoes and a simple loose blouse. That's all. The brands were pretty average and I didn't even have any accessories on. I think it was a huge blow for the couple that the Security guards greeted me warmly and didn't check my bag despite wearing average brands of clothing. I don't care about her LV bags or any high end brand they have... I am not even sure if they are all authentic. I don't like those brands! and even if I have all the means to buy them... I will not. I prefer edgy average brand that suits my personality. I go to thrift shops, vintage shops and wherever as long as I can buy clothes that only me can have. I hate wearing clothes that everybody wears.

I therefore conclude that RUDE people like them... do really exist. So, for them... wearing branded clothes and jewelries defines respect and "SPECIAL TREATMENT"? Hell no. You know what, I give more respect to people who are outrageously HUMBLE yet outrageously RICH. I know a lot people who are like this. Some of them are businessman, company owner, CEO, Boss, people who have high position in a company... but when you see them they look so simple and sometimes average. They maybe wearing and carrying branded things... but they don't really show them off. Because for them... it's a NECESSITY not a FASHION TREND and definitely not a ticket for special treatment.

This is one of the reasons why I don't shop at that mall. And no, I am not a hater. It's just that, I didn't deserve to be treated that way. When somebody pushes you aside all of a sudden, what will you do? How will you feel? Will you just walk away? Yes you can ignore, but let's be honest here... deep in your mind, you will feel offended.

Have a great day everyone.

Remember... the price of your clothes can never define you, but the way you wear them and the way you carry yourself.

Sincerely,
Erica/Erix

Things that made me happy:

1. My perfect grade in Project Research and Development.
2. After long three weeks of being sick, I can finally say that I feel better now. I am still weak but at least the pain is gone.
3. Shopping school stuffs. I felt like I was in elementary... shopping for pens and notebooks. I was so excited yesterday. :)
4. Watching Japanese Animated Films.
5. Re-watching "The Tudors". I can't get enough of my Anne Boleyn addiction. I want all the history books about her.
6. Conversing with Japanese people in Instagram. A very short chatting about the photos they posted. :) Why? Because most of them are really good in taking pictures. Their styles vary from time to time... and I LOVE looking at their pictures. :) It tells a certain story about the place they've been to that makes me want to go there too. This is the reason why my desire to visit their country again increases as the days go by. :)