Japan Trip Diary Day 1

(Instagram: http://instagram.com/p/jsYxTtNR2u/# )

Dear Diary,

Today is January 27, 2014. The date of my Trip to Japan. I was so busy last night for the last minute preparation and luggage checking. My mother kept on nagging me about the things that I might forget to bring with me. Before sleeping, I chatted with my cousin April who slept with me. We talked about the things that might happen during my trip. I was so happy and amazed with her positivity in life... especially her positivity when it comes to my life. She kept on encouraging me to believe and have hope because I still don't know what would happen in the future. She knew the reason for this trip... but you know what? Deep in my heart, I know that the main reason for this trip is not valid anymore. However, I told to myself that no matter what... I will smile and have fun with my aunt.

I woke up at exactly 3:00 am because we needed to avoid the heavy traffic brought by Monday Rush. We didn't want to be late with our flight. We still wanted to have time to relax at the airport. 

At the airport, some security guard thought that I was a foreigner. I could hear them arguing about my nationality so I looked at them and smiled. I saw a lot of Japanese, Chinese, Korean at our terminal and since I was so bored I listened to their conversation... surprisingly, I could actually understand what they were talking about.

My aunt noticed that every time we walked around to buy snacks or go to comfort room people will always stare at me. I didn't know the reason but I could feel their eyes on me. So, I walked while looking down because of my shyness towards these people. I am not even pretty or beautiful and I am just wearing a very casual clothing, so why?

Our departure time was jeopardized when one of the passengers suddenly had to cancelled his/her flight due to health reasons. We were almost 2 hours behind our flight. I was so irritated and the heat inside the plane was killing me. My aunt told me to relax and just breathe because we couldn't do anything about the situation. I tried to focus on the music that was playing on my i-pod.

I have a thing for sky. Which means I love looking at the sky because it makes me believe that everything is possible and everything is reachable if you work hard for your dreams and goals in life. I couldn't help myself from taking pictures of it. I think it was May or June of 2013 when I posted on my Private Facebook account that I wanted to fly and my friends told me to use my wings. I already did... I'm very thankful for their encouragements.

We arrived at Narita Airport at exactly 4:00 pm and it was very hot inside. I wanted to take off my cardigan because I was sweating. After getting our luggage, we bought tickets for Airport Limousine bounded to Shinagawa Prince Hotel where we would catch a taxi to New Otani Inn Tokyo. 

 (This was inside the Airport Limousine. I know that using a cellphone is strictly prohibited but I am a stubborn person. Sorry about that.)

Okay, this is the part wherein I used my knowledge in Nihongo. We told the driver that we needed to go to New Otani Inn but he thought that New Otani Inn and New Otani Hotel were just the same. When I looked at the map the distance between the two place was a little far. I felt sorry for the taxi driver but we were very impressed by the decency and honesty of Japanese Taxi drivers. I am not saying that I hate Filipino taxi drivers... but let's face it... most Filipino taxi drivers would ask for an increase in taxi fares and would blame his passengers for the mistake. But this Japanese Taxi driver accepted the fact that it was his mistake and asked us for only half the price of the taxi fare. At first, I couldn't believe what he said and I thought I misheard him but he repeated his words slowly "Hanbun"/"半分". I translated to my aunt what he said and she too was surprised.

 (Instagram: http://instagram.com/p/jrJbx-tR9Q/# )

I had a terrible headache after that. I was very sorry to my aunt because I wasted her money for the food she bought me. I couldn't swallow it, I wanted to vomit everything inside my stomach and I thought I was going to passed out in the restaurant. She wanted to take some pictures of me but I felt so dizzy and I couldn't concentrate. When I saw the face of the waiter after seeing the food that I didn't eat, I got embarrassed because I know that it's bad manner not to eat the food served to you... I'm very sorry.

After resting for a while, my aunt and I did an epic failure pillow fight. I have here a video. I know, we looked so crazy in here but this is very USUAL for us.

 (Instagram: http://instagram.com/p/jsYx7HNR2w/# )

(My friends told me that this is my signature pose. I always do this everytime I take a "selfie". Haha)

And then, we went outside to checked the nearby places. I love the weather. I love the cold wind and the quietness of the surroundings. I feel like living here... haha! But Summer is a no-no for me. 

These photo was taken after we did food shopping. My aunt loves eating midnight snacks and she told me that she LOVES the Japanese rice crackers which was one my favorites. haha.

(Instagram: http://instagram.com/p/jrKivutR-O/# )

I also received emails from my students asking me to go out with them but five days are not enough to meet all of them. I feel so sad about this... Next time...

It's shower time. Tomorrow is another day. :) So far, I'm falling in love with this country.

Things that made me happy:

1. Decent and Honest Japanese Taxi Driver.
2. Cold weather and the cold wind.
3. Hot Rose Tea.
4. Relaxing shower time.
5. Pillow fight with my aunt.
6. Receiving emails from my former students.
7. Quiet surroundings.
8. Courteous people.
9. Writing my diary.

PS: These are the words written on my diary. Yes, this is how I write my diary entry.

Blog // The Woman Who Called me "Gorgeous"

(Photo by: Rosemarie)

Did you know that one of the effects of being bullied for a long time is not having any self-esteem? That's my problem. I don't usually believe in myself especially when it comes to my physical appearance.

There are a lot of people who believe in me. People who ALWAYS tell me "You are not ugly", "You're very pretty", "You're cute"... but honestly speaking I doubt these kinds of compliments because every time I see myself in the mirror I can't see myself as someone who is "Beautiful".

I'd been called "UGLY" a million times during my teenage days and this is the reason why I consider myself as someone who is really "Ugly"... physically. However, some people... especially strangers tell me that I should change the way I think about myself because I am wrong. They've told me that I should stop thinking that I am not worth it... that nobody will like me... that they will just laugh at me... etc. because these kinds of thought will not help me, these will only make me more depress and sad.

And then during my Cousin's wedding something happened that made me decide to be more positive about myself. 

When my cousin's makeup artist came in the hotel room, I was starstrucked when I saw her pretty face. I always appreciate beauty and I like seeing beautiful girls and women (I am not Lesbian, okay?). From the moment she entered the room, I could noticed her stealing glances on me... I smiled at her because I felt a little awkward.

When it was my turn for the "makeover" session. She talked to me. I learned that she used to be an English Teacher to Japanese too. We talked in Nihongo for a short time and then suddenly she said... "You know what? You're very gorgeous." I was speechless because she suddenly told me that. 

"I always have an eye for beauty... so if I tell you that you're gorgeous... you should believe me." She said.

"Thank you. I believe you... because you're an artist." I said to her.

Receiving this kind of compliment from a very beautiful girl was overwhelming. She's right, almost all artist has an eye for beauty... like me. People says that I can capture beautiful pictures, draw dramatic sketches and paint paintings with stories to tell... So I believed her.

And now, she's the reason why I became a little confident with the way I look. I may not have a cute or feminine face but I will try to be more positive... because if other people can see my beauty... it's about time for me to really look on myself and look for the beauty that they are seeing on me.

Things that made me happy:

1. Eating breakfast and dinner with my Aunt Tess.
2. Cleaning and organizing my room.
3. Drinking Tea. HEAVEN!
4. Chatting with my students in "Line"
5. Writing this blog entry.
6. Making my cousins happy by giving them some simple presents

Blog // My Cousin's Wedding // Maid Of Honor Speech // I Love My Cousins

Bride: Jennifer (My Cousin)

Photo by: Rosemarie (My Mother)

January 25, 2014, Saturday. My Eldest Cousin's Wedding Day. I don't really know how to start this blog entry but I know that there are people who are waiting for this.

It was one year ago when Kuya Orlie proposed to Ate Jen-jen. Since that day, they'd started to attend Wedding Fair for the preparation of their wedding. 

We'd waited for this day and all of us were very much EXCITED. I know that my Grandmother was very PROUD as well as the parents of the bride and groom. 

Marriage is very sacred and I believe that once a person gets married it will be until the end. You can say that the phrase "until the end" seems to be impossible nowadays but if the "LOVE" they have for each other is "STRONG" enough to conquer all the HARDSHIPS... UNTIL THE END will be POSSIBLE.

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Maid of Honor and Secondary Sponsors Preparations

We're only WOMEN. Believe me... it's VERY HARD to become one. There are lots of things that we need to do in order for us to look good or look presentable in a special day like Weddings. 

Since the day my cousin told us that she's getting married, I started my semi-vegetarian diet and "Zumba Routine" because I don't want to look "fat" in my dress. I know... I am just a woman. Aside from that, I stopped eating junk foods and minimizes my fast food intake to avoid skin breakout because I have a very sensitive skin.

My cousin, my aunts and I went to salon and nail salon to prim our nail and everything. Honestly, I hate "Nail Polish" because it feels heavy but for the sake of the wedding I agreed to paint my nails.

Shoe shopping was the hardest part because the color should be "Fuchsia Pink" as requested by the bride. We went to different shopping malls, checked every shoe boutique and talked with each other about the design of the shoes and finally... we found the perfect shoes to match our dress.

Being a women is very EXPENSIVE when it comes to beautify-ing ourselves but I honestly prefer the simple routine... but of course I NEED makeup. haha!

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Maid of Honor Speech

First Reading and Responsorial Psalm

I wrote my speech a night before the wedding. It was a difficult task because a lot of people would be listening to me. I'm not used to talking in public because my personality is very "reserved". Maybe you'll not believe me because I am a teacher and I write too many things in my blog but I am not very talkative. Ironic, right?

Aside from the speech, I was very nervous at the church because I was asked to read the First Reading and Responsorial Psalm... every time I think about that the eyes of the people would be on me my heart would beat very fast. And then... I had accident. I slipped at the podium... I always trip and slip... I am very CLUMSY but at least I made the bride and groom laugh. haha

Here's the draft of my speech:

Distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen... a pleasant evening. Today is January 25, 2014, Saturday. A very special day. But let me introduce myself first... I am Erica, the Maid of Honor and one of the cousins of the most beautiful bride today, Jennifer.

Ate Jen-jen and I've been close since childhood and you can say that we have a good and warm relationship as cousins... and yes we are like sisters. And because of this fact, I was one of the people who knew about their relationship when they became a couple.

 (Eliminated part because this is personal. Story how they became a couple)

Kidding aside, Kuya Orly is one of the humblest person I've ever met. Soft-spoken, warm-hearted and even if he sometimes looks shy he tried his best to be close with the people who are important to Ate Jen-jen. I believe that his parents raised him well.

I am very thankful that Ate Jen-jen gave her "Yes" to Kuya Orly because in my opinion they're the perfect combination. I really hope that they could maintain the respect, trust, loyalty, faithfulness they have for each other for these are the keys to a happy married life.

Dear Ate Jen-jen and Kuya Orly, whether the clouds threatens or the sun shines, stay strong and always remember that Happiness is a CHOICE. I love you both from the bottom of my heart.

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Photos at the Wedding

"How happy it is to see how lovers
utter words of love at the altar
A long distance relationship
was made possible by the strong true love they have."
-Erica/Erix
 

Blog // I Entered A Vacant Room

(Photo by: Erica/Erix)

"I Entered A Vacant Room"

Written by: Erica/Erix

Date written: January 16, 2014

I entered a vacant room. The smell of mold welcomed me. The smell of earth overwhelmed my nostrils as I wrinkled my nose.

I found an empty corner and sat down on the floor. I felt the emptiness of the room and the undying aching pain started to dominate my five senses and my sane mind. I started to feel the heaviness on my chest... again. I leaned my head on the wall. I stared blankly onto the space in front of me with my emotionless face.

I breathed heavily as I tried to grasp the meaning behind the fast beating of my heart.

I saw scenes from my imagination. I walked slowly towards my happiness; my dreams... a subtle smile touched my lips as I saw the face of love. Although it was not vivid, my heart knew... every part of me felt it. I raised my hand to touch the face... love smiled at me and touched and grabbed my hand while leading me towards the light... and then something snapped that brought me back to the real world.

My love is too good to be true. I woke up from the subterfuge dream that's full of stultification...

I never wished for it to end. I never wanted to wake up from my dream created by illusion but reality will always be my best enemy... for it knows that I am not fitted to live inside the world of the unreal.

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I just finished the movie "On The Road" starring my favorite actress Kristen Stewart. I love the book but the movie... was so-so for me. All of sudden I felt the urge to write... and I entered a vacant room... the emotions came flooding in. So my inspiration? The vacant room and the pain in my heart.

Have a good night world!

Much love,

Erica/Erix

Things that made me happy:

1. Jelly bean candies from Candy Corner Shop.
2. Singing "Stand by me" by John Lennon with my mother and my aunt.
3. Playing guitar with my six years old cousin.
4. Listening to some songs. Music is helping me to ease my depression. 
5. Relaxing shower at night.

Collection Of Words 11: Crowded Street, Noisy Town, Lonesome Place

(Photo by: Erica/Erix)

"Crowded Street, Noisy Town, Lonesome Place"

Written by: Erica/Erix

Date written: January 15, 2014

Inspiration: Cold January night; counting stars outside

In this crowded street

I feel so empty

Even if people surrounds me

My inner self; them, I couldn't see

In this noisy town

My face is in a frown

Even if there is a clown

Who cheers people up who are down

In this lonesome place

I couldn't get amazed

The happiness, I couldn't taste

Is there a way out in this maze?

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Ps: I want to know something. My curiousity is killing me. Patience and pray HARDER.

Collection Of Words 10: January Wind

(I do not own the photo.

Photo Credit To: Amir Anas

http://web.stagram.com/p/214562763_2081385 )

"January Wind"

Writen by: Eirca/Erix

Date Written: January 9-12 2014

Inspiration: The strong cold January wind at night

January wind blew strongly

My hair flew away freely

Color's brown and it's freezy

Heat, I needed for it's drizzly

The bird came flying back in

Brought the news from him

I opened it very slowly

My world stopped suddenly

The word started with letter "G"

I couldn't remember, I couldn't see

It had an "O" and it's two

As I saw it clearly, I didn't know what to do

Like someone turned off the light

I absorbed the wind that night

The tears that I couldn't hide

Kept on pouring, nobody by my side

The night dust surrounded me

The crickets serenaded me

Their gentle sound tried to heal me

But reality will always hit me

It will hit me hard with the truth

That I became a fool... it's no joke

Aching pain, wanted to burst

Pathetic I am, I couldn't efface the hurt.

Blog // The Vacant Lot (Short Story)

I am a vacant lot. Inside, you can find nothing but “Dust”. Unfortunately, I had an almost dying tree, leaves and weeds before but something happened during the past months. I was almost killed and abandoned by my previous owner. My walls are made of granite and it is huge and high so that no people would be able to enter me. The deafening silence on my background became natural as the breathing of the almost dying trees. The withered leaves were blown away by the strong gust of summer wind. The overwhelming smell of earth crust was the scent which I came to love. The sound of the cracking branches of trees became the music of my everyday dull life… until… this person came.

Let me tell you my tragic story. Continue reading if you want to know. Ignore this if you’re not interested. I don’t care anymore because I have nothing to lose this time. I am naked and vulnerable to every thing but no thing could ruin me more because my current situation is the definition of “Ruined”.

It was a sunny day and the usual tremendous heat of the sun hit us hard. The almost dying tree cried out loud and my weeds were getting helpless. The wall which protected me from intruders was so colorless and it mirrored aging in an ugly way. I sighed, the almost dying tree sighed, my weeds sighed.

And then, in an unexpected moment we felt the presence of somebody who was trying to climb the wall. The almost dying tree squealed in excitement and my weeds became excited and curious… but I became nervous.

“What is this person trying to do?” I asked myself.

The person courageously climbed up the wall and confidently jumped inside me. It was a “man”. We were all mesmerized by his appearance but slowly, I got scared. And I thought he was going to turn his way back home but he didn’t. Instead, he described the place… he described us as something very interesting, something new…

He swept the ground under the heat of the furious summer sun. He didn’t care about the overflowing sweat on his face and his body… he continued with his task. He pulled out all the dried weeds and replaced them with Bermuda grass. He threw away all the trash. He watered the whole land and finally he planted some flower seeds.

Every day, he will visit the place where he planted the seed and watered and talked to them naturally. Every day, everyday… he was always there. He shared to us his happiness, dreams, secrets, worries and problems.

Whenever he talked to us, we feel very happy. It felt like he’s watering our non-existing heart.  He made us happy. He made us feel like we do have a worth in this “unfair” world, and that  it was possible for us to feel this kind of emotion.

And then, we felt the “need”. The “need” to be with him all the time. The “need” to know him more… know him better. The “need” to hear his voice every second.

One day, he finally saw the fruit of his efforts… one flower appeared which seemed to be blooming. He talked to it and prayed to God to protect the flower until it finally bloomed.

When the flower bloomed, his joy was beyond words. He couldn’t express his happiness… it was more than doubled when the other flowers bloomed too. The place suddenly became lively, with vivid colors of different flowers. And every day, he would look for the flowers and tend on them… he did this task for quite a long time… until he became tired of it… he had enough.

Every day became thrice a week which became twice a week… once a week, twice a month, once a month… and then… he came one day. When we saw his face and started talking… we thought “Oh, this is the end of the fairy tale.” He was carrying a huge garden scissors. Without warning, he cut all the flowers and threw them away. He cut down the trees. He was madly tarnishing the garden he worked so hard for… until he said out loud “I had enough of your pure beauty! I wanted something new and I found the place somewhere far away from here… I will leave now and never come back… don’t wait for me… and don’t expect me to come here again. This is the end. Goodbye.”

A huge hurricane came and it washed all the debris left by him. The sun came and dried me. Since that day, I became a vacant lot for the second time… my situation became worse than the first one. At least back then, I had weeds and dying trees… but he left me with nothing. Nothing but dry land… I can only hear the air and I can only smell the earth… I feel like dying… the huge wall I had… I made it higher than before and I now have a roof so that no person will be able to jump from there. I don’t want to experience the feeling of being abandoned for the second time.  After making me feel that the world is indeed beautiful… he left me with this huge scar on my soul… which will remind me that “I am abandoned”.

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The Inspiration:

Depression. Frustration.