Collection Of Words 11: Crowded Street, Noisy Town, Lonesome Place

(Photo by: Erica/Erix)

"Crowded Street, Noisy Town, Lonesome Place"

Written by: Erica/Erix

Date written: January 15, 2014

Inspiration: Cold January night; counting stars outside

In this crowded street

I feel so empty

Even if people surrounds me

My inner self; them, I couldn't see

In this noisy town

My face is in a frown

Even if there is a clown

Who cheers people up who are down

In this lonesome place

I couldn't get amazed

The happiness, I couldn't taste

Is there a way out in this maze?

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Ps: I want to know something. My curiousity is killing me. Patience and pray HARDER.

Collection Of Words 10: January Wind

(I do not own the photo.

Photo Credit To: Amir Anas

http://web.stagram.com/p/214562763_2081385 )

"January Wind"

Writen by: Eirca/Erix

Date Written: January 9-12 2014

Inspiration: The strong cold January wind at night

January wind blew strongly

My hair flew away freely

Color's brown and it's freezy

Heat, I needed for it's drizzly

The bird came flying back in

Brought the news from him

I opened it very slowly

My world stopped suddenly

The word started with letter "G"

I couldn't remember, I couldn't see

It had an "O" and it's two

As I saw it clearly, I didn't know what to do

Like someone turned off the light

I absorbed the wind that night

The tears that I couldn't hide

Kept on pouring, nobody by my side

The night dust surrounded me

The crickets serenaded me

Their gentle sound tried to heal me

But reality will always hit me

It will hit me hard with the truth

That I became a fool... it's no joke

Aching pain, wanted to burst

Pathetic I am, I couldn't efface the hurt.

Blog // The Vacant Lot (Short Story)

I am a vacant lot. Inside, you can find nothing but “Dust”. Unfortunately, I had an almost dying tree, leaves and weeds before but something happened during the past months. I was almost killed and abandoned by my previous owner. My walls are made of granite and it is huge and high so that no people would be able to enter me. The deafening silence on my background became natural as the breathing of the almost dying trees. The withered leaves were blown away by the strong gust of summer wind. The overwhelming smell of earth crust was the scent which I came to love. The sound of the cracking branches of trees became the music of my everyday dull life… until… this person came.

Let me tell you my tragic story. Continue reading if you want to know. Ignore this if you’re not interested. I don’t care anymore because I have nothing to lose this time. I am naked and vulnerable to every thing but no thing could ruin me more because my current situation is the definition of “Ruined”.

It was a sunny day and the usual tremendous heat of the sun hit us hard. The almost dying tree cried out loud and my weeds were getting helpless. The wall which protected me from intruders was so colorless and it mirrored aging in an ugly way. I sighed, the almost dying tree sighed, my weeds sighed.

And then, in an unexpected moment we felt the presence of somebody who was trying to climb the wall. The almost dying tree squealed in excitement and my weeds became excited and curious… but I became nervous.

“What is this person trying to do?” I asked myself.

The person courageously climbed up the wall and confidently jumped inside me. It was a “man”. We were all mesmerized by his appearance but slowly, I got scared. And I thought he was going to turn his way back home but he didn’t. Instead, he described the place… he described us as something very interesting, something new…

He swept the ground under the heat of the furious summer sun. He didn’t care about the overflowing sweat on his face and his body… he continued with his task. He pulled out all the dried weeds and replaced them with Bermuda grass. He threw away all the trash. He watered the whole land and finally he planted some flower seeds.

Every day, he will visit the place where he planted the seed and watered and talked to them naturally. Every day, everyday… he was always there. He shared to us his happiness, dreams, secrets, worries and problems.

Whenever he talked to us, we feel very happy. It felt like he’s watering our non-existing heart.  He made us happy. He made us feel like we do have a worth in this “unfair” world, and that  it was possible for us to feel this kind of emotion.

And then, we felt the “need”. The “need” to be with him all the time. The “need” to know him more… know him better. The “need” to hear his voice every second.

One day, he finally saw the fruit of his efforts… one flower appeared which seemed to be blooming. He talked to it and prayed to God to protect the flower until it finally bloomed.

When the flower bloomed, his joy was beyond words. He couldn’t express his happiness… it was more than doubled when the other flowers bloomed too. The place suddenly became lively, with vivid colors of different flowers. And every day, he would look for the flowers and tend on them… he did this task for quite a long time… until he became tired of it… he had enough.

Every day became thrice a week which became twice a week… once a week, twice a month, once a month… and then… he came one day. When we saw his face and started talking… we thought “Oh, this is the end of the fairy tale.” He was carrying a huge garden scissors. Without warning, he cut all the flowers and threw them away. He cut down the trees. He was madly tarnishing the garden he worked so hard for… until he said out loud “I had enough of your pure beauty! I wanted something new and I found the place somewhere far away from here… I will leave now and never come back… don’t wait for me… and don’t expect me to come here again. This is the end. Goodbye.”

A huge hurricane came and it washed all the debris left by him. The sun came and dried me. Since that day, I became a vacant lot for the second time… my situation became worse than the first one. At least back then, I had weeds and dying trees… but he left me with nothing. Nothing but dry land… I can only hear the air and I can only smell the earth… I feel like dying… the huge wall I had… I made it higher than before and I now have a roof so that no person will be able to jump from there. I don’t want to experience the feeling of being abandoned for the second time.  After making me feel that the world is indeed beautiful… he left me with this huge scar on my soul… which will remind me that “I am abandoned”.

______________________________________________

The Inspiration:

Depression. Frustration.

What's Up: I'm On The Verge Of...

(Photo by: Erica/Erix)

I am on the verge of lifelessness... I can feel myself staring blankly ahead most of the time. My smile doesn't touch my eyes.

My outer shell looks fine... but lately, I've been pretending a lot that I am okay. Honestly, I am not. I am trying so hard to set aside all my problems. This has been a difficult time for me and I am very confuse. I studied so hard this week. Every time I feel the sadness creeps through my veins, I grab my guitar and play so hard until my fingers cry out in pain. But I can't set aside them. After getting myself so busy and focus with my "To Do List" the reality will always welcome me that everything has changed. I am waiting for myself to get used to it... but it's really DIFFICULT.

I am hurting. I am in pain. It's like there's an invisible force squeezing every muscle of my body. I... really suck right now. I'm so pathetic because I've been getting my strength and motivation to go on from other people. Since I don't want to pissed them off and pushed them to their limits, I decided to isolate myself from everybody. I don't want to be a parasite, a dependent... a headache and pain in the ass.

Writing is my way of expressing myself. Tonight, I gave a pen to my heart and this is my heart who is writing now.

How IRONIC. I always give advice to other people... help them with their problems... but here I am, I can't even help myself to get out of this situation.

Regardless, I hope you a Good Night!

With all my love,

Erica/Erix

Ps: Should I wait?

Things that made me happy:

1. Playing guitar and singing
2. Writing
3. Watching Marilyn Monroe's Documentary
4. Watching Audrey Hepburn sing "Moon River"
5. A call from my mother

 

Collection of Words 1: Where Should I stand?

Photo by: Frances Marie; My model in arts

Location: Brittany, Neopolitan

Date: December 26, 2013

Inspiration: Girl in the Mirror

"Where Should I Stand"

Written by: Erica/Erix

Date: September 3-4, 2013

Where should I stand?

At your side, in front, at your back?

But what will I find?

The fact that I fell in your trap?

What should I do?

I don’t know if your feelings are true

How will I move?

Please give me some clue.

How will I really know?

If you want me to wait to wait ‘till tomorrow

Now where will I go?

If your heart is the only place I know.

 ________________________________________

"Where Should I Stand"

Written by: Erica/Erix

Translated by: Tatsuya-chan aka Mr. Shishigu

Date: September 3-4 2013

私はどこにいればいいの？

あなたの隣り？あなたの目の前？それとも、あなたの後ろ？

でも、私は何かに気付くのかな？

あなたの罠にはまった事実？

わたしはどうすればいいの？

あなたの気持ちが本当がどうか分からない。

わたしはどうすればいいの？

手がかりをください。

本当に、どうやって知ればいい？

もし、いつもあなたが私を明日まで待たせるなら

私は今、どこに行くの？

もし、あなたの心が私の知ってる唯一の場所なら。

watashi wa dokoni ireba iino?

anata no tonari? anata no me no mae? soretomo, anata no ushiro?

demo, watashi wa nanika ni kizukunokana?

anata no wana ni hamatta jijitsu?

watashi wa dousureba iino?

anata no kimochi ga hontoukadouka wakaranai

watashi wa dousureba iino?

tegakari wo kudasai

hontou ni, douyatte shirebaii?

moshi, itsumo anata ga watashi wo ashita made mataseru nara

watashi wa ima, doko ni ikuno?

moshi, anata no kokoro ga watashi no shitteru yuiitsu no basyo nara 

______________________________________

This is my first entry for my "Collection of Words" Page. I decided to make a separate page for my writings because I honestly got confused when I was browsing this blog. It's not organize! 

Yes. It was translated in Nihongo. One of my students Mr. Tatsuya (aka Mr. Shishigu) got interested on my writings one day. I read this work to him and I couldn't even remember the reason why he translated it to his own language. I really appreciate his efforts. He told me that he felt the emotions I was trying to convey with this work and I was very glad. 

I am going to see him before January ends. I hope. He is my very first translator. 

 Thank you very much!

My inspiration is the Girl in the Mirror. You'll meet her before January ends... 

Things that made me happy:

1. Playing Guitar
2. Studying
3. Writing
4. Drinking Hot Chocolate in this cold weather. My hands and feet are icy cold. My country is "Tropical" and I am wearing socks now. It's cold... Thank God!

Blog // First of 2013 // 2014 New Year

(Photo by: My soon to be Cousin "Orlie")

Today’s the last day of 2013! I’m very thankful for this year. I am one of the luckiest persons of the year. If I have the opportunity to stop the time… I will stop it in this year but… TIME FLOWS. Nobody can stop it. All of us MUST move on and go on with our life.
 So, I am going to list my FIRSTS of 2013.

1. First Job Interview
2. First Job
3. First Salary 
4. First Student (Annie/ Lee Ji Won) 
5. First Class in MBA 
6. First time to pass Civil Service Examination (without reviewing) 
7. First Colleague to talk to me (Cris) 
8. First time to get mad in public 
9. First time to ride the MRT train “Alone” 
10. First time to go at the bank “Alone” 
11. First time to get a “Visa”
12. First time to reject someone
13. First time to fall in love
14. First time to be rejected 
15. First time to get my heart broken 
16. First time to sing and play the guitar at the same time 
17. First time to be called as a “Great Poet” by a Japanese
18. First time to have coffee “Alone” for 5 hours straight
19. First time to make an inspirational video 
20. First time to say “No” to something which I don’t really like

ETC….

There’s still more and I can’t list them here. 2013 is the best year of my life… as of now. Although I experienced a lot of painful things… physically and emotionally… these things taught me how to be a strong woman. Some people consider me as an “Artist” and I think we artist are very emotional. We let our emotions control us because it is what makes us create our arts… our emotions inspires us.

Like me… my experiences are my inspirations in writing poems, simple songs, essays, drawing and painting… and it is nice to know that people who read my works could actually feel what I was feeling when I wrote them or made my arts. The poems like “She is… I’m not” ( http://mori-aki.blogspot.com/2013/12/she-is-im-not-one-sided-love-song-first.html ) was inspired by my instinct… and I was CORRECT. The simple song “One Sided Love” ( http://mori-aki.blogspot.com/2013/12/she-is-im-not-one-sided-love-song-first.html ) is based on my experience. The poem “Where should I stand?” (which I deleted) was written during the times when I was confused about my role in someone’s life… and just a few days ago… this poem was answered… 

the question is “Where should I stand?”…
the answer is… I stand nowhere in this person’s life. 

It hurts but this is the answer to my question.

The things I did this year helped me to grow up, to become independent and to be strong… somehow.

__________________________________

Two nights ago, I wasn’t able to sleep. 10:00 pm and then 1:00 am and then 3:17 am… until 6:00 am… I was WIDE AWAKE. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t close my eyes because it was terribly painful. There were so many things that were running on my mind and I couldn’t help but to think… think… and think…

Even if I said that I can handle this situation… I don’t know where to start, where to go and where will I get my strength… I just don’t know. No matter how good I am in acting (good actress… in college)… I don’t know if I can conceal everything…

_________________________________________________

Enough with my tragic story… I want to welcome 2014 with a smiling face, peaceful mind and full of HOPE!!!!!

Happy New Year everyone!!!!! I wish you all the best this year. Happiness, love, good health and peace of mind! Let’s all be happy! If you have problems… let’s talk about it and send me message at (straberryshortcakeo6@yahoo.com)!  Yes it is an “o” not “0”.... I’m gonna have party with my cousins! See yah!

With all my love, Erica/Erix

I am so sad. Why is it so painful?

I have a video here.... This is me while I was practicing the song "It must have been love" for the first time. I don't know the strumming pattern. haha! just for fun.

Blog // iTunes Shuffled Playlist // Weak Desire Brings Weak Result

(Photo by: Erica/Erix)

One of my rituals during the last few days of the year is to do a GENERAL Cleaning of my room. Meaning to say, I scrubbed the floor, changed my curtain, wiped away all the dust on my wall, re-arranged my books, cleaned my cabinets and bookshelves, threw away all the things I don't need anymore, changed my bed sheet and pillow cases. It took me one whole day because my cousins came at the house and we chatted. Nice timing! haha! At least they came. I think, OUR New Year will be HAPPY because we made a plan.

I am the type of a person who can't live without MUSIC. In everything that I do... there should be music. So, while I was cleaning my room I turned my iTunes to shuffle and let the songs play on their own. Here are some songs and lines from them.

You have stolen my heart

(“Stolen” by Dashboard Confessionals)

How can I decide what’s right? When you’re clouding up my mind.

What kind of man you are? If you’re a man at all.

I will figure this one out… on my own.

(“Decode” by Paramore)

It looks like you’ve given up. You’ve had enough.

(“I Don’t Believe You” by Pink)

How could you do it? I never saw it coming.

(“When It Rains” by Paramore)

I don’t want to mess this thing up; I don’t want to push too far.

We don’t need to rush. Let’s just take this slow.

(“Just A Kiss” by Lady Antabellum)

I’m just a human. I have a skeleton in me.

(“Monster” by Paramore)

Yes, I’d come for you but only if you want me to.

(“I’d Come For You” by Nickelback)

But it pulls me deeper now, I can’t escape.

(“Buried Beneath” by Red)

What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away.

(What Hurts The Most)

We both wake in lonely beds… different cities.

(“Sad Beautiful Tragic” by Taylor Swift)

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it when you’re not around, when you’re gone.

(“I Hate It” by Ellegarden)

I am with you, I will carry you through it all

I won’t leave you

I will catch you when you feel like letting go

Cause you’re not, you’re not alone.

(“Not Alone” by Red)

I just want to sit and stare at you.

(“Fall Into Pieces” by Avril Lavigne)

Coz darling, you are the only exception.

(“Only Exception” by Paramore)

I told myself don’t get attached, but in my mind I played it back.

(“Come Back Be Here” by Taylor Swift)

You will never know what you have done to me.

(“Tiny Heart” by Flyleaf)

I never want to see you unhappy.

(“Almost Lover” by A fine frenzy)

I am in awe and….. I am in love and given away.

(“Treasure” by Flyleaf)

_________________________________________

Weak desire brings weak result

By: Erica/Erix

Date written: December 23, 2013

Date edited: December 27, 2013

Inspiration: The girl in the mirror

If weak desire brings weak result

Then, if my desire to see him is stronger than the Earth’s crust

Will I ever see him again?

If weak desire brings weak result

Then, if my desire to see him happy is stronger than Egypt’s Pyramid

Will I ever see him happy?

If weak desire brings weak result

Then, if my desire to be near him is stronger than the strongest super hero

Will I ever be near him?

Desire, Desire, Desire

Let my hope be fired up

I feel the heat of each red fire

As I follow my desire.

 

It's exactly 9:15 pm and I can't sleep. Regardless... Have a good night everyone! How about you? What's your end of the year ritual?

Things that made me happy:

1. Cleaning my room. I love the smell of new bed sheet and pillow cases. I like my room very much.
2. Playing the guitar... randomly.
3. Talking to my cousins and aunt. I love laughing with them.
4. Taking a full body bath at night. Very relaxing.