Blog // Songs to ease the IRRITATION

Today I learned a GREAT DEAL OF LESSONS.

I DID A MAJOR SELF CONTROL.

I'm still very sick. I have a slight fever, I feel very weak and my throat is extremely irritated because of the heat brought by the HELLISH SUMMER we are experiencing right now in the PHILIPPINES.

BUT... I decided to go out because I've been lying on my bed for 3 days in a row and I was suffocated.

I went to the nearest shopping mall to meet my parents. Since I still have a slight fever (I am going to EMPHASIZE this) I wore a long sleeves top. I went inside a bookstore to check out some books and to buy paper supplies when 5 guys noticed and made fun of me.

Here's their conversation:

Guy 1: Dude, is it already the "Rainy Season"?
Guy 2: No man! the date is APRIL 9. APRIL. SUMMER!!!!
Guy 3: Oh my God! I feel very COLD!!!!
Guy 4: I think she's excited to wear her long sleeves.
Guy 5: Or maybe she just wanted to impress other people.

They INTENTIONALLY raised their voices while talking to each other. I know that they were referring to me because I was the only one wearing long sleeves. Other people stared and laughed.

They were laughing at me... TERRIBLY laughing at me. I was very embarassed and I wanted to punch these guys on their faces... I almost cried but... I ignored them. I continued what I was doing at that time and let them laugh at me until they were satisfied.

When I told this incident to my mother... She looked mad. On the other hand I am quite proud of myself. I am proud that I controlled my ANGER and IRRITATION because if I wasn't able to... I might be kicked outside the bookstore for literally PUNCHING THEM on their precious faces.

Here are the songs that are in repeat in my i-pod. These 3 songs eased my irritation. Sometimes Music helps us to relax and alleviate our attention to something positive. Music helped me today. <3

LESSONS LEARNED:

1. IGNORE. Always remember: STRANGERS KNOW NOTHING ABOUT YOU. They don't know who you are. They can judge you on the outside... but SO WHAT?

2. TAKE A DEEP BREATH. This will help you calm down.

3. THINK BEFORE YOU ACT.

4. DO NOT LET ANGER CONTROL YOU... because you just might regret it.

5. SMILE. Smile to those strangers and act as if they don't affect you... AT ALL.

I know that these are hard to do but believe me... they work!

Things that made me happy:
>Capuccino
>Strawberry Doughnut
>New Notebooks and notepads for DOODLING
>Spending time with my parents
>RAIN (YES. It rained today...)

Blog // Friendship (I have a few but they're TRUE)

Friendship. It is one of the things that I treasure a lot. Considered as an abstract noun; not to be seen and touched but can be felt.

It was not very easy for me to make friends and to socialize with other people because I'm was always bothered about their opinion about me. I was terrified of bad impressions reason why I usually isolate myself from everyone. However, ever since I let myself be exposed to a new environment, I learned how to open-up and show my true self.

My friends told me that I am VERY PURE, innocent and child like... yes, these are my characteristic and even though I act tough on the outside I am really soft and warm hearted in the inside. Once a person become my friend, I will consider him/her as my friend until the end of time. 

I easily give my trust because this is one of the things which I can give for free but worth a million times than MONEY. I want them to trust me too. Give and Take.

I like giving and sharing my blessings to my friends because I believe that "the more you give, the more you will receive" and I know that this is true.

Nowadays, I've been gaining new friends and I am so happy. They widen up my horizon and I learned a lot from them.

Still, there are people who don't like me... but even if they don't like me, this is not a reason to hate them. I respect all opinions because no opinion is wrong.

Friendship is really precious. I want to keep this FOREVER.

Forever is very difficult to achieve... but if you believe that something will happen and made an action to make it happen, then this will really happen.

I only have FEW friends but I know that they are TRUE. Even if I am always misunderstood by my appearance I'm still lucky to the friends that I met who helped me and inspired me to become a better person.

Here are two songs that are dedicated to all of my friends.

 

Things that made me happy:
>STAWBERRIES from my father
>One of the Teachers's of the week.
>Incentive for being one of the early birds
>Fun talk with my students
>Chatting with my bestfriend (Frances Marie)

Blog // We are WONDERFULLY made

BLACK SATURDAY. I received a message from God...

"You are WONDERFULLY made." This message hit me with a BANG! Yes. I am WONDERFULLY made because the one who made me is WONDERFUL.

Now, I feel sorry for Him because I used to hate myself a lot. My fault, My fault because I was always affected whenever other people say bad things about me. I used to ask Him, "Why? Why me of all people in the world?! Why do I have to experience such terrible things?". But you know what... those experiences helped me to know myself better and love myself more even if I am not perfect. I came to love and accept all my flaws, because if they cannot accept them... who else will?

God never made two people exactly alike. Ever since I was born I was always compared to other girls. I got tired of listening to the same old things like "She's smart... you're not.", "She's pretty... you're not.", "She has pretty hair...", "She's sexy, you're not." Maybe... they cannot really understand that the other girls and I are different from each other. We are made to become who we really are not to become the exact same girl.

We are who we are. If they cannot accept this fact... don't make them. How can you make someone understand who doesn't want to understand? How can you make someone listen who doesn't want to hear your reasonings? You are going to waste your time explaining yourself.

Let's not be envious and jealous... Let's love ourselves! Why? Try to observe the people around you. Just try... you will see and realize how lucky you are for being you. I tried this before and you know what? It was a heart breaking experience... but I learned a great deal of lessons.

I saw street childrens who were begging for money just to have something to eat. I saw street vendors wearing shabby clothes and selling rags in order for them to buy foods for their family. I saw an old man without his left leg and begging for money on the streets. I saw an old woman, naked, dirty, shivering and begging for food. I saw a little girl with a huge bump on her face and I learned that it was cancer. I saw children who have serious illness fighting for their lives everyday... I saw a lot of things. 

Although one can say that I am being dramatic here... seeing them like that... broke my heart and somehow made me feel that I am an extremely lucky person.

I am very thankful for everything. Those people showed me the way out of the darkness and when I finally got out the burden I am carrying disappeared. THANK YOU.

I may not go to church every Sunday but I see to it that I thank Him for everyday, evey hour, every minute, every second of my life.

Physically, I am not beautiful. I have a wide and huge forhead, thick lips, huge face, curly hair, sensitive skin, pale face, flat nose but these imperfections are part of me. It is enough for me to have two hands, two legs, complete fingers, healthy body... because... believe me... there are lots of people who want to have what I have. There are people who want to have what you have.

So enjoy every minute of your life and stop worrying. Remember that YOU ARE WONDERFULLY MADE.

Good Night!

Things that made me happy:
>Strawberry candy
>Vegetable Salad
>My puppies
>My parents
>New books
>Seeing his name. <3 hahaha!

P.S.
When I say "Him", I am talking about God. :)

Blog // Heart warming Sincere words

Today is Thursday and I don't feel like doing anything. I hate idleness that's why I might as well share in this page some of the sincere words that I had received for the past months.

Although I am materialistic, I prefer receiving simple things made by the hands of the sender. I don't really like receiving expensive stuffs coming from friends and acquiantances because it made me feel like our Friendship has some kind of a price tag. I don't like it.

Yes, I know that "Actions speak louder than words" but there are some people who can express themselves much better through words... especially through writing them on a piece of paper. I witnessed this with some of my students who appeared to be not approachable but who are really emotional and sensitive inside.

I think that our Cultural differences, Language factors, Age gaps were some of the reasons why they seemed to build a certain wall between all of us. I can understand them.

I am very happy with my job now because I am learning new things and my view about life is becoming clearer.

I met different kinds of people from different races who speak different languages who can understand basic English. I am very lucky to be one of the people who considered English as their second language, because through this, I was able to communicate to these people who are working hard to learn.

As for myself, I don't have self esteem and these people gave me this. I am very thankful to them for appreciating my hard work, my sincerity, my character and my entire being. They accepted me for who I am and treated and respected me as a Teacher, Friend, Older Sister and Younger sister.

For me, They are blessings from heaven. My memories with them are my treasure and every single day spent with them were worth it. I will never forget them in my entire life.

It is amazing how communication could build a bridge between different countries. Upon realizing this, I immediately changed my opinion about socilaizing and communicating with foreigners.

Memories/Letters/Gifts:

Things that made me happy:
>Hand written letters
>Origami
>Peppero
>Pineapple
>Carrots and cabbage

What's Up: Some Asian Entertaining Video

I AM SO BLESSED! I did something which I thought was impossible for me to do. I am very proud of myself today. I am starting to switch my positive side and I am hoping for the best.




Oh by the way let me share you some videos from my favorite YouTube Personalities wherein they talk about Asian stuffs randomly. Have fun!

 

 

Good Night!

Aki

Blog // 2013. I welcome you with open arms.

FREEDOM! By Flyleaf. I kind of Listen to this song non-stop since the start of the year. I was so into the lyrics and melody.

Unfortunately I can't find any video of this song at youtube. I will be sharing a mixtape here. Listen and enjoy!

(Sorry, I seem to have a little bit of trouble loading the mixtape site but I will update this entry.)

SO 2013 HELLO! PLEASE BE GOOD TO ME.

I celebrated my new year with my cousins. Let me share a picture of us together with my granny (yes, the one with alzheimers)

(From left: Jerix, Renzo, Zhir, Iji, Angie, Kimi, Me (Aki), Older cousin Jen and Granny)

We don't really celebrate new year and it was the first time that we were together while welcoming the year. (Redundant?) I usually stay inside my room because my lungs cannot tolerate too much smoke coming from the fireworks and my ears are quite sensitive from the loud noise of firecrackers, but that night I was on the mood of wanting to experience these things. My night was full of laughter and positive ideas because my cousin Jen shared her work experiences to me; aside from that she gave advices about how I will be able to survive in the real outside world. She told me that "faith" is all I need to bring out my self confidence. I am very thankful for her words of wisdom because I learned a great deal of lessons... really.

Since my cousins wanted something new we bought 3 bottles of Soju (korean liquour) as replacement for the usual beer and wine (although I don't really drink and it's been years since I last tasted alcohol). With all honesty I enjoyed the bitter taste of this Soju but my cousins were like "What is this taste?!" and they eyed me as if I was a freak for liking the taste of it. I was trolling so hard. LOL.

I am not really expecting something big this year but I want to stop the unnecessary idleness in my life. I want to MOVE ON and get a grip from reality. I think I am ready to step out, stand up and walk my shaky legs for a change. I don't want to act like a loser anymore, like someone who was always mourning... I need a change of lifestyle and environment that's why I am a taking a break from my suffocating and stressful life brought by my ex-lover (accountancy) but it doesn't mean that I will not enter the corporate world anymore... I don't want my hard work for the past 5 years to be in vain. I still want to make use of my knowledge in the near future. For now... I decided to do what I want, the way I want. I am going to keep myself busy. Studying while working... stressful? I don't think so, because feeding my mind with knowledge is very fulfilling and as for me it is one of my stress reliever. Through this I can simultaneously gain more knowledge and share my knowledge with other people.

I am inspired to start my year with positive ideas. I am leaving behind the past that caused me too much pain but I will see to it that those experiences will be my inspirations, it will eventually serve as a trigger to boost my confidence.

I will keep my FAITH in Him and will never Doubt Him because He always have faith in me and he never doubted my capabilities.

Happy 2013

Blog // Paint with me "Entering Her World"

Hi! Aki here. 

My last post is a bit depressing so I decided to rest and think for a while to be able to clean up my mind with all its negativity... so here I am with my new entry.

Paint with me "Entering Her World" 

 This is the first time that I did a video for this blog. I was hoping to uplaod the full version but it took me 30 minutes to finish this artwork... causing my movie maker to break down. So I made a "chop-chop" version of it.

Tada! Here it is... Enjoy.

For this art work my inspiration was myself. I'm a bit self centered type of a person right now because I've been selfless for the past months. I gave my all to something hoping for a much brighter future but unfortunately I was not able to achieve my number ONE goal this year. It's very depressing and frustrating because whenever I say anything that I will do... I will definitely do it. What happened to me was a strong blow to my self confidence. It was like I was killed then. I died that day... and eventually reborn. I was on the verge of insanity, self pitying... and I was like "what the hell?! Just kill me okay?! I don't have any purpose in this world anymore... what meaning is there for keeping me alive?!"

You might say that I'm a shallow person. I AM NOT. How could someone who hasn't been there possibly understand? you will only have the right to criticize my feelings and emotions if you experienced the same or the exact same thing of what happened to my life. Am I being pessimistic here? Or bitter? I don't think so... because a person who is full of this kind of emotion is the one who can really translate the word sadness and defeat in what he/she can create with his/her hands. Thru pen and papaer or thru artwork... or in whatever medium he/she might use.

If I am going to describe myself... I am like an arid dessert that doesn't have an oasis and the people travelling around me are dying one by one because of thirst.

If this is my destiny? I am going to accept it... but I cannot do the accepting part... right away. Let's say... it's like I wasted 2 years of my life to something UNFINISHED. You know... I terribly hate Unfinished projects. Work half done is worst than work not done. There's so many "should" and "shouldn't" written in my diary... but what can I do? Past is past... let bygones be bygones... But the past cannot expect me to forget everything what it did to me.

Here's what I can only do... Focus on "Now" let the lessons of the "Past" serve as my guide to the "Future".

Entering her world... is all about going back to what you really are. Doing things that you really love to do, showing the emotions buried deeply inside of you and not being afraid of stepping and moving to the path you think might change your world by not changing yourself.

This is what I did before. There are people who can't accept me for who I really am and most of them acted as if they were envious of how I can entirely embrace my flaws. They used to pull me down whenever a great positive constructive remark was given upon me. But you know the more I noticed how they focus their attention on me the more I realized that I can actually affect their life somehow... and I was hoping that someday they will see the positive side of me.

Some of my works are grotesque-like having a dark theme. I love using black and white because the 2 colors show how Ironic my personality is. They are simple, neutral but very dramatic. My entire being can be decipher by looking at my works. I am a very sensitive and emotional when it comes to art and literature. I have a BIG heart for them... because when I thought the world want to barfed me out... They've became my saviour in order for the world to realize that I am an asset... somehow.

I am also thankful to my parents. Yes. Chihiro from "The Lake" by Banana Yoshimoto is correct. PARENTS ARE ABSOLUTE. I can sacrifice my entire being for them. I know, If ever my mom read this entry she might thought how ironic my words and my actions are. I am not showy with my feelings, I tend to write and write them in my diary but God knows how much I treasure them... because they are the only people who accepted me for who I really am.. And even if every single person in the wordl turn their back on me... I know that my parents will embrace me protectively.

Well yeah. This is a long entry... forgive me.... ^^v
HAVE  A NICE DAY.